Small Talk

56 . the fine art of small talk
you deal with being busy? What is going on that’s got you so
busy? Describe a busy day for you. Do you like being busy?
Does there seem to be a cycle of busy-ness during your year? Do
you remember a time in your life when you weren’t as busy?
Or you ask, Isn’t this weather terrible? and receive the
reply, It sure is. You might respond with these: How terrible
does it get in this part of the country? What is your idea of
an ideal climate? How does bad weather affect you? Have you
lived anywhere else with terrible weather? What brought you
here?
I received this note from a director-level executive at
a large aerospace corporation demonstrating the benefits
of “digging deeper.” He relates how he e-mailed a colleague
about her recent job promotion. How’s the new job?
Her reply: Pretty good. Instead of accepting that brief reply,
he e-mailed her back: I’m really interested ...how has
it been for you? This got him a detailed e-mail response
about the pitfalls and challenges of her new position.
Of course it’s much easier to ask appropriate openended
questions of people you know than those you are
just meeting. Use discretion when meeting new people:
Asking a difficult question could put the other person in
an awkward position. Likewise, sometimes when we are
asking open-ended questions, we really are asking ques-