Small Talk

crimes and misdemeanors . 125
stead of hogging the ball, the monopolizer should pass it
to someone else in the group. I have a personal rule that I
never talk for more than five minutes before passing the
ball. Time can fly when we are talking about ourselves!
No matter what the topic—how I lost sixty-five pounds,
how I got into business, why my kids are so incredible—
the clock is ticking. When my five minutes are up, I pass
the ball to someone else with an appropriate question or
comment. It’s not just our golfing buddies or in-laws
who are monopolizers! Don’t get me started! (Another
overworked expression of our times.)
If you are alone with a monopolizer, you have several
options to salvage the situation. If you are with your
boss, a client, or your mother-in-law, it’s usually best to
surrender and give the gift of listening. Once in a while
you can be successful for brief interludes by changing the
topic, using self-disclosure, or asking a prepared question.
However, it is impossible to make a monopolizer
stop. You can’t change another person. If your career or
your relationship with your extended family is on the
line, just surrender and consider it a random act of kindness.
There are occasions when you can successfully stop a
monopolizer. When you are approaching your saturation