Konrad and Alexandra (PDF) - Rolf Gross

equisitioned a locomotive to take the woman to a hospital, and on the ride through the night in that snowstorm, my headbecame very clear. I needed to overcome my fears and go back to Russia to help wherever I could."The days in Munich came back to her mind, the evenings at the Dahls, their pilgrimage to Andechs. "Germany is verycomfortable, I could live in Munich, but the tensions and excitement of St. Petersburg keep my spirits alive. I want to dosomething more useful than take care of fashionable patients. I am prepared to share the uncertain fate that the chaoticRussian people have brought upon themselves. I am not afraid."Sophia looked at her with sad and serious eyes. "I am no longer as courageous as you are. Depressed, I watch thedecline of the Georgian aristocracy. And our estate in particular. I feel for George, who inherited the responsibility for thiscenturies-old family property. The Socialist government and the tenant farmers will destroy it. But let me not complain, Iam an old woman, why should I fear the future, which I will not have to live in."Sophia smiled at Alexandra. "Tell me about your children. Otto is growing into a person all of himself.The way he rode offwith Konrad on the horse recalled the nostalgic memory of George’s first ride with your uncle. And little Sophia? You didme a great honor by naming her after me. I would have liked to bring her into this world. How did you manage?"Alexandra described the convenience of the hospital. "I really enjoyed this delivery.""You already enjoyed the first one like few other women. I am still mulling over your experiences at Otto’s birth. I have totell you of a very interesting discovery I made recently." Sophia paused. Her face became animated. "A friend, aTibetologue, brought back a translation of a Tibetan book from Sikkim, called the Tibetan Book of Dying. Instructions howto pass the experience of death consciously and reach nirvana or rebirth. The text describes the frightening visionsduring dying: the same light phenomena you experienced occur, only in the reverse order!"Alexandra was startled. "This is remarkable! Since Otto’s birth I have learned that these light phenomena can alsoaccompany a person’s dying. A friend had a very similar experience when he was shot and lay in a coma for many hours.Does your text also describe flying above one’s body?"Sophia shook her head. "I now remember that you also talked about flying, that you watched Otto’s birth from above. Inmy preoccupation with the mystical colors I completely forgot about your flying experience."Sophia leaned forward and with a tense voice said. "It seems that this happens when you die. Part of your soul separatesfrom your suffering body. It is you who decides when to let your soul leave your body for good and die. To remainconscious up to this point is the final goal of all meditation exercises."Alexandra stared at infinity. A flash of understanding flooded her face. She blinked and focused on Sophia. In greatexcitement she said. "And the same happens during love-making. I am convinced a woman can learn how to die. Birth,love, and death are similar sensuous experiences."Sophia got up and took Alexandra into her arms. "You confirm my most secret feelings. Thank you, dear courageouschild, for sharing this knowledge with an old woman preparing for her death."She heard the clatter of the returning riders outside their window.Otto came running into the room, shouting already from afar, "Mummy, we saw a mountain full of caves. We climbed intosome of them. They had windows and doors like real rooms. Niko says people used to live there until an earthquakedestroyed their houses. You could see it, the church had collapsed completely."Otto grabbed Alexandra by the hand. "Come, I want to show you how I ride a horse."Konrad helped him onto the horse twice his height. Otto, fearless, very proud, sat in the saddle and pulled the reigns.Slowly he turned a circle in the yard.Konrad, full of pride, watched him. "Otto should learn to ride. Your father has a quarterhorse. I will teach him."43.Sophia's baptism, Tiflis1907Every morning Konrad took Otto along the paths of his rides with Alexandra, to Zaguramo and Zedazeni, across themountain to Betania, and in the end on a two day ride to Kakheti. They visited Alaverdi and Telavi and spent the nightwith George and David Chavchavadze at Tsinandali.On their way back Konrad took Otto up to Shuamta. Konrad had never been there, and approached the three littlechurches in the meadow with apprehension. But the place evoked no sensation of the drama between Dato andAlexandra. Konrad rode off disappointed. On the way down he realized that unconsciously he had brought innocent Ottoalong as a shield against Dato’s lingering ghost. Konrad felt so moved by this discovery that he told Otto the tale of his137