Konrad and Alexandra (PDF) - Rolf Gross

"Ah, of course, of course, ‘Eine kleine Nachtmusik’’’ cried Ferdinand and hit Graf Bobby on the shoulder.A few people laughed. Konrad was puzzled. "Well, that is getting rather sophisticated."A bunch of policemen came running on stage. They encircled the two simpletons."Your papers, please!" said one of the mustachioed officers.Graf Bobby pulled out an oversized passport with the Austrian double-eagle on its cover and waved it at the policemen,while Ferdinand, who had nothing to show, swore that his name was Ferdinand Fontane and that he lived in theWedding. Under much threatening gesticulations the policemen arrested Graf Bobby as an Austrian spy, and Ferdinandas a long-wanted Socialist.Exeunt the police with their captives in handcuffs.Now the audience was really swept up in cheers."You have to understand, that Graf Bobby is a well-known character of many a Viennese joke and that TheodoreFontane—not Ferdinand—is a famous Berlin writer long suspected of sympathizing with the Socialists, who live in a partof Berlin called Wedding. But," he shook his head, "this triple joke is really high-brow considering this kind of audience."The organ-grinder walked across the stage and played a new tune, which was picked up by the orchestra con sordino:"Das Mädchen vom Lande," announced the program. A sweet blonde dressed in a pinafore with an innocent bow tie inher long hair accompanied by a strapping, young Lieutenant of the Guard began to sing a sentimental, tear-jerkingBerliner street ballad.Ein Mädchen kam from Lande ein jeder dachte sie sei schön.Sie rannte weg vom Dorfe, um sich Berlin mal anzusehn.Sie wurde Magd bei reichen Leuten, sie aber wollte hoch hinaus,sucht’ nur des Lebens Freuden, wollt’ nur noch Saus und Braus.Sie trug nur seidne Kleider und ging spazieren in Berlin.Ein Leutnant von der Garde nahm sie auf einen Ballund als der Ball zuende da schlief sie müde ein.Dies war ihr Pech. Der Leutnant von der Garde, der raubte ihr die Unschuld weg.Sie seufzte, schrie und war verzweifelt und wollte gleich in’s Wasser gehn.Der Fluss jedoch, der war gefrorenund keine Öffnung war zu sehn.Sie kehrte heim auf’s Lande, geschändet, dick, und nicht mehr schön.Ein Kindlein ward geboren, ganz unschuldig und süss,doch durch der Mutter Sünde, sein Vater hat es nie gesehn.During the last two stanzas, the beauty’s belly grew rapidly until the balloon under her pinafore burst with a bang. Thepair was rewarded by hilarious laughter and the popping of champagne corks.And so it went on, a juggler, a magician who pulled pigeons from a hat, a pair of children who wound themselves likesnakes around, above, and below each other, and in between the organ-grinder who played yet another sentimentaltune. A peculiar mixture of the banal, the trivial, and the sentimental, at times outright crass with biting overtones.The merry noise of the audience grew with the amount of champagne consumed.Suddenly the waitresses vanished to reappeared on stage in can-can costumes paired off by an equal number of youngmen in tuxedos and bowler hats twirling canes. The girls enthusiastically kicked their pretty legs to the fast music.Alexandra noticed that underneath their tri-colored tout-touts they wore only the skimpiest of panties and a petit corset tohold up their stockings on florid suspenders. With raised eyebrows she whispered to Konrad. "Regarde, leurs sousvêtements!"Konrad pulled a grimace.So far the ballet had been an imitation of Paris’ Folies Bergers—but now the orchestra turned maudlin, and the newBerlin took over. In a single movement the girls let their tout-touts drop and stood there completely in the nude except fortheir panties, their black girdles and small, glued-on decorations covering their nipples.Triumphantly their partners skewered the tri-colored tout-touts, and raised them like captured French flags on theircanes.The crowd applauded thunderously.Unexpectedly the orchestra went silent, and down the middle of an alley of pretty legs and bare breasts snaked, equallynude except for a feather boa the famous singer of the first Nummer.While everybody rose clapping wildly, Alexandra was speechless. To top it all off, the girls came down from the stage,and evading the prying hands of male customers here and there, danced between the tables to an exit in the rear.The organ grinder wandered across the stage for the last time, and the singer with her seductively husky voice concludedthe evening, "Auf Wiedersehn, auf wiedersehn....."The very last offering, however, was the Prussian anthem to which everyone stood and sotto voce joined the cast insinging.75