Konrad and Alexandra (PDF) - Rolf Gross

The Sufi had been driven completely underground, turning had become dangerous and could only be done secretly inprivate houses, which is what they had done in remote Elisabethtal under cover of the wedding.Otto sent an answer by regular mail, telling her of Annika’s sudden death and that he had met Katharina, my mother, andhad moved to Breslau. He must have asked Alexandra for her spiritual support of his wish to marry Katharina, because aletter by Alexandra carried by a Georgian wrestler on his way to the 1936 Olympics in Berlin begins with a blessing.I take you and Katharina into my arms and wish you the happiness you lost. I tried to see Katharina, but her images areoverlaid with those of the Bavarian Katharina. I cannot see her clearly. But tell your Katharina that I loved the other verymuch and maybe there are more parallels between the two than I can fathom. The Bavarian Katharina was an eminentlypractical woman with a great, imperturbable sense of reality and her own place in it. Such a woman would be good foryou, my would-be poet.Did Alexandra guess that the reason for her inability to see my mother was, at least in part, caused by my mother’s lifelongrepudiation of Alexandra? Alexandra’s characterization of my mother was surprisingly accurate. I can only assumethat Katharina Weisshuber once fit Alexandra’s description, the Katharina Dahl whom I had met had little in common withmy mother. And yes, in a way my father was a would-be poet, although, to my knowledge, he had never written a singleverse.In 1936, during the Great Purges, Beria rose to political prominence in Georgia as Stalin’s henchman. He mercilesslyliquidated the last remaining Mensheviks, among them Tamara. She vanished in the Gulag and never returned.Tamri has left us. At this time Asmat is living with Deda, who has moved into a small apartment in town. Deda is in poorhealth, I don’t have much hope that she will live much longer. Asmat cares for her in the most touching way. Asmat isintelligent and inherited the independent spirit of her mother. She has been selected for a special elite school, and unlesswe come up with a better idea, will soon go her own way.Asmat, the gifted orphan of a "misguided" revolutionary, had been selected for a special Party school. It would open agood career for her in the party hierarchy, but remove her completely from her foster-parents’ influence. A standard trickof many ideological dictators. Alexandra was looking for ways to save her from this fate.By 1939 the worst purges were over. Cowed, the Georgians kept their heads down. Yet undaunted Alexandra hadsuccessfully slipped Schulenburg her letter—her last.I have good news for you. Your sister has found a man whom we all like. We hope to celebrate their wedding before theend of the year. He is a young physician who is an intern at the hospital. I am very happy that she will take her own life inher hands. My soft, pliable Georgian girl has lived too long under my charge.Inexplicably, Alexandra did not mention Sophia’s husband’s name, apparently because she hoped to describe Sophia’swedding in a future letter. That letter was never written. Once again war was raging behind the mountains.I am glad to have borne you so early. You are now a man in your best years and out of the worst danger of contractingany of the children’s diseases which are haunting the young these days. We are having occasional outbreaks ofpoliomyelitis leaving cripples and many young dead, and I have nothing to help them with. It is very depressing, as arethe terrible thunderstorms over the high mountains at night. The world has become a dangerous place. I hope thatSchulenburg’s efforts will help cement the peaceful coexistence of our two countries. Then I might be able to write youagain.To her relief Otto was beyond the age when he would have been in danger of being drafted.A few months ago we had the rare treat of a concert at the Opera House. Mravinsky, the new director of the Leningrad,alias St. Petersburg Symphony conducted the Fifth Symphony by Dimitri Shostakovich. A controversial composer youprobably have never heard of. Since 1913, when the Dahls took me to a performance of Mahler’s Sixth in Munich, have Inot heard a symphony like Shostakovich’s Fifth. Maybe you have to have lived in St. Petersburg during the past twentyyears to understand why we cried in shame and silence. Like Mahler’s prophetic vision of the end of the Europe we knewand Meyerhold’s "Masquerade," the requiem for the Russian Empire, Shostakovich put our sufferings and hopes tomusic.During that year Shostakovich waited, expecting that Stalin would have him shot any day.Your father has retired. He gets a small pension and occasionally visits the Botanical Gardens, but he is glad to berelieved of his teaching duties. Considering his age, he is in excellent health, a quiet, philosophical man who has turnedinwards. He spends much time with the study of Eastern cultures.Konrad tends more and more toward contemplative, abstract speculations, while I practice living every day on this earthin the greatest possible lucidity.Both are meditation exercises. I will not retire for a long time, my spirit is unbroken, and my long search for completeawareness of my actions has not come to an end.I had traversed twenty years of Alexandra’s life in half as many hours. We were approaching Los Angeles. Below usstretched the hot, dry valleys and mountainous spines of the Nevada desert. How had Konrad and Alexandra ended inUzbekistan, a land like this below, Konrad over seventy and Alexandra in her sixties? Did she make the decision to gothere? I practice living every day on this earth in the greatest possible lucidity.214