Konrad and Alexandra (PDF) - Rolf Gross

the Caspian Sea and two days crossing the forbidding Karakum desert. Small, dark brown scree, no black sand dunesas I had always imagined. A thin, abrasive veil of sand blows a foot high over this scorched earth. The railroad tracks getburied often. At noon the temperature was more than 30 degrees Celsius, in November!, and breathtakingly dry. And inthis land live people! Occasionally we saw a caravan of camels, single file on the horizon.Love and greetings to all—but especially to you my lovefrom your newly excited husbandKonrad"Mummy," asked Otto, "may I keep daddy’s letter? I want to go there one day."The winter of 1911 was unusually mild in St. Petersburg. Otto persuaded Niko to take out the horses and ride north alongthe coast to the inn above Lisi Nos. Claudia and Alexandra joined them. Alexandra had not been there since her ride withVladimir. Vladimir’s presence still hung palpably in the air. Six years, was it that long ago?Otto was their guide. He was riding ahead of her, talking to Niko about his memories of Munich. Proud of her grown sonshe followed him. He was eleven now and very much himself. This was his first year at the German Gymnasium.Intelligent, considerate and personable with his and their friends he loved Niko and Claudia, but he had inheritedKonrad’s shyness. He was very much Konrad’s child.What would become of Sophia? Had she inherited her mother’s wild need for independence, or would the sea thatsurrounded her conception sooth her temper? She shook her head, imagining a Georgian mermaid.Claudia, who rode at Alexandra’s side, had become addicted to riding. She had bought a horse that she stabled nearMurnau. Alexandra caught herself thinking that Claudia was still childless after five years of marriage—how old-fashionedof herself! Claudia was unchanged. Quiet and thoughtful, she was still using her head instead of her emotions.And Niko? Alexandra still loved her dear, faithful brother. Once in a while, with a nostalgic smile or in exasperation hewould call her Lexako. Now Professor Sommerfeld’s assistant, Niko should have been a poet after all. Alexandra did notunderstand the higher mathematics that he used to investigate atoms and molecules, but she sensed that theoreticalphysics had become the poetry of the twentieth century. Niko was comfortably ensconced in his science, well regardedby his peers, a careful, meticulous physicist. I wish him a great discovery that would leave him breathless, thoughtAlexandra. But his revered professor was of the same mentality—teaching and guiding his students was his mission.Claudia sidled her horse next to Alexandra’s and asked. "What has become of your dream-flying?"Alexandra had been absentmindedly thinking of her ride with Vladimir and their conversation about dying that hadcemented their friendship. She blinked. Did this place invite such discussions?"I have not talked to anyone about it. I had two disturbing encounters with Gocha in the two years since Svaneti. I am stillreluctant to use my healing powers, but I am certain I have them. Two bursitis patients walked out of my office like theman in Murkmeli…"Claudia’s dark eyes rested on her with admiration and curiosity: "I have tried your way of healing with no tangible results,which makes me doubt my own ability. But father and I have investigated several healers trying to systematically map outtheir methods. We would like to formulate a psychological model of healing."Alexandra reigned in her horse. "Your father, engaged in an investigation of psychic processes? I cannot believe it!""Since our trip to Georgia father has been much interested in the psychology of spiritual experiences. The evening withKonrad at the Sufi sema, your long discourse on matriarchy kept him thinking for a long time. I told him all about ourexperiences with Gocha. It aroused his scientific curiosity."She slowed her horse and, very animated, turned to Alexandra. "But I wanted to tell you that father and I miss your sharpmind and your understanding of these things. You know that father is very impressed by your sober intuitivecomprehension of psychological processes. He has asked me to invite you to München to discuss his investigations andto write a publication on medical processes and spiritual healing with you. What would you think of that?"Alexandra slackened her reins. On its own her horse moved ahead of Claudia’s.Gocha’s reappearance so far away from Svaneti had scared her. The first time Gocha appeared to her in a dream ofsuch intensity that she forced herself to wake up.The second time had been even more disturbing, because it happened during waking hours. On a warm, sunny day shehad been riding with Konrad, not far from where they were now. A heavy thunderstorm growled somewhere in thedistance. They stopped at the edge of a wood. Konrad had fallen asleep the moment he had lain down, and she hadbeen on her back watching the sky and the distant flashes of lightening, drowsy but fully awake.Suddenly she flew. She had simply lifted off effortlessly. She would never be able to tell whether she had fallen asleep atthat very moment, but she distinctly remembered the storm clouds, the woods, Konrad lying asleep in the shade belowher, the otherwise blue sky, and the brilliant sun. She had flown towards the sun. Attracted by the blinding light she hadsoared higher and higher. The landscape below had soon been drowned by the light surrounding her.She lost time and space, but she wasn’t afraid. The flying and the blazing light were familiar. Finally she had seen theCaucasus below her, Elbrus, the tooth of Ushba. A great joy had swept her, as she slowly went down, much like in herdream at Gocha’s house. Should it be that easy to go home?170