Konrad and Alexandra (PDF) - Rolf Gross

She followed the curve of the ceiling from one of the four columns to the center and lost all her heaviness. What clear,serene beauty, how is it possible that color, stucco, and space harmonize like music? She thought of the churches ofRussia, which resembled overloaded, gilded caves, how strange, this was a Christian faith completely unknown to her, ofa wild joy, an ecstatic, extravagant otherworldliness—very different from the heavy Italian Baroque.She forgot time and herself and left only when the church filled with somber people, and a priest appeared to celebratethe evening service.Her head had cleared."It is my Georgian penchant to wallow in gloom and despair. Katharina has nothing to do with it, and Konrad is honestand really innocent. This is the moloch of jealousy who is trying to eat me up. I have to free myself from it, and all three ofus will be blissfully happy."When she came home, a worried Konrad was waiting for her. She embraced him. "Forgive me, I was overcome by myfear of losing you. I shall try to love you and Katharina better. Give me time, please.""Alexandra," Konrad said. "Brace yourself, ours are small worries. I have bad news from St. Petersburg. Things areslipping towards a catastrophe."Alexandra paled. "Did you find mail from home?""Yes, I found a letter from Deda to you in my office mail. According to the newspapers everything looks bleak and dark inRussia. Nicholas is heedless and improvises more irresponsibly than ever. Instead of relaxing the tensions after Plehve’sdeath, the government proclaimed martial law in St. Petersburg. There have been executions, strikes are paralyzing thecity. The Japanese are tightening their noose around Port Arthur. Nebulous rumors abound of mutinies on the ships ofthe expeditionary fleet that was to relieve Port Arthur. How long can the Russian garrison there hold out against theoverwhelming Japanese forces?"Alexandra opened Deda’s letter. She wrote in her less-than-perfect German, undoubtedly to make the censor’s job moredifficult. Her words were carefully chosen, but her gloom was glaring. A mutiny in the garrison in Tiflis had beensuppressed, Ilia was under arrest, and her mother was very weak and would not live much longer.And here, in this peaceful corner of the world, they spent their days visiting friends, going shopping, and playing frivolousgames with each other. A wave of guilt distracted her from her own gloom. However, she was even less able to untanglethese feelings than her confused jealousy.When threatened by her Georgian moroseness, Alexandra had in the past submerged herself in some constructive work.She decided to call Claudia to start searching for Dioskorides in the university library.They found a magnificent late-Byzantine manuscript of Dioskorides’ De Materia Medica, which they were allowed to readin a special room under the supervision of a library official. It contained a beautifully written Greek text and drawings ofplants. Claudia had a hard time with its medieval Greek and had to consult a special dictionary constantly. They split thejob, Claudia copied the Greek text and Alexandra looked up unknown words which they noted in the margin of their copy.Delighted they discovered that Dioskorides’ indications were described by very explicit terms: atokos (anti-offspring):postcoital contraceptive; ekmpallein tou embryon (expel the embryo): abortifacients; phthoros tou embryon: late-termdestruction of an embryo, etc. However, many of the plants Dioskorides mentioned were not in the dictionary. Theywould have to consult additional botanical literature to identify them—and for this reason they asked Konrad for help.For days Claudia carefully copied the chapters of interest and Alexandra the plant illustrations."Tell me, Claudia," Alexandra asked over a cup of coffee, "what does a psychiatrist do? In Russia that profession doesnot exist. Your mother said that in the cities psychiatry replaces religion.""Oh well," Claudia began to laugh, "psyches iatros is, of course, a ‘physician of the psyche,’ someone who treats ‘psychicdisorders’ like hysteria, depressions, and schizophrenia. Mother did not exactly say what you heard. She meant, becausepeople in the villages were religious, they relied on the priests to solve their emotional problems. Many people in thecities have broken with religious traditions or consider priests disagreeable, those people take their problems to myfather.""You mean, your father could help me with my depressions if they threaten to devour me?"Claudia wrinkled her forehead and shook her head. "There is much skepticism towards psychotherapy, the field is youngand its methods of treatment seem slow and experimental. He could try, but I don’t think your depressions are thatcomplicated, besides you are not rich enough to afford my father!" She laughed. "It sometimes seems to me thatpsychotherapy is only for the rich and fashionable. Should I analyze your problem for you?"Now Alexandra began to laugh. "I think, I do know my problem, but how to cope with my ‘emotional disorder’ that is thequestion. What do you think is bothering me?""Jealousy! Dear friend, simple old-fashioned jealousy."Alexandra bit her lip. "Yes, and what does the doctor recommend?""To get rid of Katharina, of course!"Alexandra flared up. "No! That won’t do. I cannot throw Katharina out, she is my close friend, and my jealousy hasnothing to do with her, it is entirely between Konrad and myself.""Well, then you have only two other choices, either learn not to be jealous or get rid of your dear husband, right?"86