Konrad and Alexandra (PDF) - Rolf Gross

28.Kandinsky's suprising confession1904Alexandra worked four days a week at the Schwabing hospital as visiting intern. Her work was interesting but notdemanding. She would rotate through the various departments to give her an insight into the general state of medicine inGermany. She was even paid a small salary.Elisabeth cared for Otto and did the routine household chores. She had become Alexandra’s alternate, a true gem. Fromher hospital pay Alexandra engaged a cleaning woman who came once a week. Alexandra prepared breakfast andsupper—both she and Konrad ate their main meal at noon—and spent the evening playing with or reading to Otto. Mostoften Konrad would do the reading. He had become a doting father—more dedicated to Otto than Alexandra.Before coming to Munich, Alexandra had expected that Kandinsky’s painting classes and Steiner’s Theosophy would bethe great experiences of the year, now it had happened that music was taking over all her senses, feeding her hunger fora new, expanded understanding of herself.An evening at Kandinsky’s apartment had left divided impressions with Konrad and her. As it turned out Kandinsky wasmarried to a sweet Russian woman! Tanya Shemyenkina was a cousin of his with whom he had eloped from Moscowfive years ago.This discovery renewed Alexandra’s old suspicion that he was irresponsible in his private relations."I am not morally narrow minded," she told Konrad on their way home, "but the way he has dealt with Nina andKatharina, not to mention Münter, offends my sense of faithfulness and balance, and now it seems that he is even moreirresponsible towards Tanya, his wife. Look, an infidelity is excusable as long as the balance of a great love is notdestroyed."Konrad suppressed a smile, and she poked him in the ribs."You try it!" he said.By contrast, Kandinsky had continued to treat Alexandra with the utmost of polite, old-fashioned attention.But the true surprise of that evening was that Kandinsky confessed that he too saw colors in music.Alexandra was startled. Why had he not said anything on that memorable evening?He reverted to his formal, unsmiling German. "Gnädige Frau, I offer my apologies for deceiving you in a certain sense,however, I hope only in a small way. I have been very reluctant to discuss this—should I call it a gift or an affliction? Foryears I have tried to paint these musical sensations and have not been able to find a way. Your comment that suchpaintings would turn out unacceptably personal is not forgotten. Herrn Webern’s piece affected me so strongly that I amall but ready to throw my doubts to the winds. So I will have to spend several weeks on such a canvas—as you said—tomake it generally valid. I do have the painterly skills for such an undertaking."He paused pensively and Alexandra, to make him feel better, told him that Webern had sent her a piano arrangement ofthe quartet and a second, new one. Could she lend him these scores? She had not heard either yet, Claudia Dahl wasattempting to resolve the difficulties of playing it. Maybe listening to them would be of help.He smiled gratefully at her. "Yes, it certainly would help to hear the composition several times. But I have to makeanother confession, I strongly dislike the psychologists who are out to analyze every such unusual mental capability.They destroy one’s creative naïveté. This is the deeper reason why I refrained from discussing my visions in ProfessorDahl’s presence on that evening.""Oh," laughed Alexandra. "So, I was the guinea pig behind which you tried to hide! I think we owe it to Claudia thatWebern and I were not analyzed on the spot!"Kandinsky blushed, embarrassed. "I apologize to you. The question of this color vision is of such importance to me that Ihad to find out what the composer and Schönberg knew about it. And Miss Claudia was ready to protect you from herfather’s inquisition, but not me. You see, the subject of a ‘synesthetic fusion’ of music and painting has been discussed inthe Dahl’s house before. Steiner believes he has invented this subject, and Mrs. Dahl is much taken by his philosophy. Infact these discussions with Steiner prompted Mrs. Dahl to produce this evening. Professor Dahl’s allusion to a noeticengrandissement was a purposeful, directed comment. Dahl is a very analytical man who abhors spirituality. You know,he is, as we say in Russian, bezdusheny—he has lost his soul."Alexandra could not make sense of Kandinsky’s lax morality towards other women and his almost naïve honesty towardsher."But dear woman," Konrad summed up this subject, "right or wrong, he is exceptionally impressed by you. You shouldconsider that a great compliment. His other women adore him blindly, which you don’t. He considers them intellectuallyinferior by comparison with you."Music became her great discovery—music and psychology. The Monday evening concerts at the Dahl’s were a sensualrevelation for her, Professor Dahl’s course in psychology her intellectual challenge.97