Konrad and Alexandra (PDF) - Rolf Gross

could they be aroused into communal action, which inevitably turned into blind mayhem and a bloodbath as soon as theCossacks appeared.Most educated people looked at this proletariat with cynical disgust, not fear. The Tsar, the police, the Okhrana, and themilitary would keep them under control. Konrad felt pity for them, but Alexandra was frightened by their blind, benightedfanaticism.A revolution had to happen. It was only a matter of time.18.Otto's miraculous birth1900At four in the morning, in the still darkness, Alexandra was shaken out of her sleep by the onset of her labor pains. Afierce contraction, more powerful than she had expected. She bit her lip and tried to relax as best as she could. Konradwas fast asleep beside her. Too early to wake him, she decided, and when the attack let up she turned onto her rightside and relaxed completely, letting her mind float.The last weeks passed by her inner eye in vivid pictures. Deda had insisted on coming to St. Petersburg to be with her,and Aunt Sophia had joined her on the long trip.Far from her husband and the conventions of Tiflis, unimagined dimensions of Deda’s character had surfaced, anexpansiveness that occasionally bordered on the reckless.Deda had taken Alexandra on an all but irresponsible tour of the fashionable cafes and stores, where she had indulged ina spontaneous shopping spree: French perfume, lingerie, clothes, a fur coat, even some expensive jewelry. She gavegenerous gifts to Alexandra, a largess of which Alexandra would not have believed her proper mother capable had shenot seen it with her own eyes: Tamunia-Deda, rejuvenated by several years enjoyed herself like the mistress of somerich man.Deda’s moods had the force of divine trials. For hours she would wallow in deeply tragic lamentations. "All my childrenhave left me. They have forgotten their beautiful country, why are they living in this cold and foggy Russian city? Look atme, a poor, neglected Georgian mother."Alexandra, always conscious of her own occasional spells of the Georgian malaise, was tested to the limits of herpatience. But as suddenly as Deda had fallen into this seemingly bottomless self-pity, she would come out of it, tilt herhead to one side, flap her arms like a strange bird, and while her face was still suffering, she would pout and saysomething preposterously funny. These resurrections by her own power would invariably end in boundless merriment.One sunny morning, after days of gloomy, snowbound grayness, and Deda under the spell of the weather, Konrad hadsuggested a walk to one of the out-lying islands. There Deda suddenly snapped out of her mood. Giggling like a younggirl, she had started a snowball fight with Konrad. Alexandra, too big to participate, had watched with enviousamusement.Two days later they got into a political argument over Ilia’s latest actions, which Tamunia-Deda, for an entire hour, foughtfor Ilia with heated abandon.Not a dull day had passed during the last month.Meanwhile Sophia had taught Alexandra yoga techniques to ease her delivery. The position on her right side was one ofthem. Sophia had for some time studied meditation and yoga with a woman from Central Asia in the hope of findingmethods to control the pains of delivery.She showed Alexandra how to breathe evenly, relax completely, and let her mind drift. Sophia told her to let images driftinto her consciousness, look at them, and then dismiss them to make room for yet another image."And when the contractions come, pull up your legs, so you are as comfortable as possible, concentrate your mind onone of these images, and hold it before your inner eye. Your body will do the rest."Alexandra listened to the clock chiming from the nearby church. Almost half an hour had passed since her firstcontraction. The second overtook her. It was less forceful. But then their pace quickened. They now came every fifteenminutes. In between she easily regained her balance.Lying half-asleep, half-awake, watching the images of her mind change from the outings with Deda into a series ofscenes from Venice and the Toscana, she lost all apprehension of the events to come. Her head was clear, her bodylimp.A new spasm slowly emerged from her center. She followed the pain as it radiated through her entire body. She was able61