Konrad and Alexandra (PDF) - Rolf Gross

Mortified, she hung her head."Alexandra, you wanted to make love to arrogant Vladimir five years ago. I knew from the time you mentioned his namethat you had finally succeeded. What did you learn about him or yourself?"Konrad was neither upset, nor made fun of her. He was simply asking the only question that mattered to both of them.Perplexed she lost her concept. She was no longer in control of the situation and could not find how to tell him of her newexperience.Konrad tried to help her. "Forgive me for putting down Vladimir. You said that he had changed dramatically, did he getmarried or become famous?"Pained by what she perceived was sarcasm, desperately trying to recover her thread, she blurted out Vladimir’s story."He participated in a student demonstration two years ago and was shot in the shoulder. He lost a lot of blood and was ina coma near death for several hours before his sister helped him to come back." Konrad pensive, waited silently for herto continue.The castle came into sight, an unpretentious two story Biedermeier building flanked by two round towers, a rose gardenbetween its horseshoe wings. A bridge spanned the lake.The toads were still calling each other in the bull rushes.She collected herself. "Do you remember the strange sensation of flying I had at Otto’s birth? Vladimir described exactlythe same experience to me, but he had it during this coma. He thinks it was a death experience, and ever since I havebeen trying to understand what that means for me. Can a woman experience her death during childbirth? Or, what wouldbe even more astounding, during the euphoria of a strong orgasm? Are such experiences general? Can this happen toanybody under extreme physical stress? Can one learn how to fly?"She sighed and looked at him. Uncertain she continued. "Your matter of fact acceptance of my first adultery—aseverybody else would call it—completely derailed me. I answered your question about Vladimir honestly, but I need timeto understand how I can let you participate in the overwhelming consequences of this experience. In a certain way itturned all my emotions upside down."Konrad, moved by her plea, finally did what she longed for. He dismounted, helped her off her horse, and embraced her.Arm in arm they walked across the bridge to look at the blooming roses in the castle’s garden.On their way back Alexandra was pensive and downcast. She berated herself for her urgency to confess her tryst—atleast that was how it appeared to her now, unjustly she knew. She had deprived herself of the possibility to let Konradpartake in her new knowledge.But what depressed her even more was that Konrad had seemingly lost his newfound spontaneity. Her vacillations hadput them both back onto the old track: Konrad the generous, smiling sage, and she the frivolous, young temptress."I do believe that my experience with Vladimir has a meaning for both of us, and yet I feel guilty."Konrad shook his head. "Why should you feel guilty? Because you made love to Vladimir?""No, because I robbed you of the exuberant happiness which Katharina had given you. We are back on the same roadwe were on before, and I don’t quite understand how that happened.""Beloved woman," he laughed and pointed to the path ahead of them, "don’t you see that I have carefully chosenanother, a new path for us?"23.Their arrival in Munich1904Rumbling, shrouded in clouds of smoke and steam, their train pulled into the Hauptbahnhof in Munich. The four travelerstumbled from their carriage, first Konrad with Otto in his arm, followed by Alexandra in a magnificent wide-brimmed, softhat, and last Elisabeth.Katharina, who had restlessly paced the platform, fell into Alexandra’s arms. She was all smiles, kisses, and affection."You know everything! You forgive me!" rejoiced an exuberant Katharina. Alexandra held her tightly embraced. Both hadtears in their eyes. Konrad stood aside and watched the two women with a shy, embarrassed smile.Katharina freed herself and put her arms around him. "But Konrad this is marvelous, why are you so mum? I have lookedforward to this reunion with such apprehension. I am so happy to have you both back."Infected by her friend, Alexandra joined the fray and put her arms around the two.Konrad with his graying beard, immobilized by the crowing Otto on his shoulders, stood between them like a huge,78