specific needs of children and elderly left behind as a ... - IOM Moldova

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CHAPTER I her everything so that she would not worry, I mean children get sick sometimes or start coughing... But she manages to find out everything... and she gets upset if I hide something from her...” (III_E_14). Some elderly who take care of their grandchildren after their children migrated are displeased by the fact that their children are not interested in their grandparents’ situation: “Well, to be honest she doesn’t even ask about her children or my health. She just asks me if everything’s good and that’s it. It’s like these kids are not even her own” (III_E_12). Some of the elderly mentioned that they are also curious about the school performance of their grandchildren who live together with their parents in the country they work: “about school, she said that it’s harder than in here, besides she studies in a foreign language, it’s one thing to talk with them in their language and it’s another thing to study all objects in a foreign language. She took him there for 2 months to learn the language... She wanted to know his opinion because she did not want to drag him there by force. His other grandparents live there and he often visits them...” (III_E_9). The data of the study show that some of the elderly are pleased with the life of their children abroad: “They live easier than we do” (FG_ E_2_rural), other elderly say the contrary: “They say it’s hard... and the other one... is a fugitive” (III_E_10). Sometimes adult migrants intentionally disguise some situations, in order not to worry their parents: “When they talk to us I can feel it when they are not saying the whole truth because when they feel bad and they don’t say it so that we’ll not worry I can hear it in their voice” (III_E_5). The survey proves that some adult migrants interrupt for good the communication with their parents: “The little one is not answering the phone. We have not known anything about her for about three years. She used to live in Soroca. She left. And it’s her children who live in that house now” (III_E_19). In the communication process some of the institutionalized elderly beg their children to take them home: “That is the only thing I talk to her about. I want to go home, I just need to go home. I built it” (FG_E_3_urban_asylum). The need for communication and socialization with other people is stronger in old age. The communication with labour migrant children is the essential need of the elderly. The total lack of communication with their own migrant children or rare communication does not ensure a satisfactory level of emotional saturation and negatively influences the elderly. In conclusion it can be mentioned that migrant children communicate less with their parents who are at home, while some of them do not communicate at all with them. Subjects they approach in most cases refer to the state of things, weather, and health. Only a few of migrant parents want to know details of their child performances at school, their characteristic features or 102
Psychological and social effects of migration behaviour. This state of things leads to an estrangement between migrants and children as well as between migrants and parents. • The relationship with family members/caregivers of the elderly Children who are abroad help their parents with financial resources “with money most of all” and parcels: “most of all clothing, food”. They rarely send medicine as parcels are checked at the Customs. The institutionalized elderly and those who live in families do not have exaggerated expectancies regarding financial support from their family members/caregivers: “I’m sure they would help more but they don’t have enough themselves, maybe with the occasion of mom’s or dad’s birthday they may send a couple of Euros, so that they are not left without anything” (FG_E_1_rural); “They send us for holidays a parcel with a cake, a holiday card” (FG_E_1_rural). We assert that elderly do not want to burden their children, they do not want to give their families problems: “I have to cook separately for them, and I eat something else… I do not want to make them angry... my son-in-law is a Romanian and I do not want to spoil their lives… I am ready to help them the best way I can, but whenever I’ll see that I’m not able to do it anymore I’ll go live with one of my children, I guess with my daughter – a girl is a girl and I am closer to her and we have no secrets between us, so…” (III_E_11). Some institutionalized elderly claim that their relationship with their children became colder. This rupture is a serious problem for the elderly. They confess that children do not visit them anymore and do not call them “My brother visits me sometimes. My children – never...” (FG_E_4_ rural_asylum). Experts in this filed emphasize the issue of interfamilial violence that severely affects the relations of elderly with their family members. “There are cases when grandchildren are violent with their grandparents especially when they are adolescents, when it’s rather difficult for them to get along; they’re more aggressive, impulsive” (FG_EE_urban). Among forms of violence frequently showed towards the elderly the experts mentioned: - Verbal violence: “Some of the children who live with their grandparents don’t go to school and they don’t tell it to their grandparents. Some of the grandparents feel obliged to take them back to school; we had to restore a girl because they wanted to expel her as she wasn’t going to school. They can talk bad to their grandparents saying: you cannot give me this or that, the other kids have it and I don’t” - Physical and economic abuse: “They abuse them by giving them pills so that the elderly would be more sleepy, or to sign a will in order to get 103
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SPECIFIC NEEDS OF CHILDREN AND ELDE
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CONTENTS Foreword .................
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Foreword quence of migration and in
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List of boxes List of boxes Box 1 B
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Executive summary elderly adjust to
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Executive summary • To develop fo
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Executive summary For private servi
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Executive summary - To offer inform
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Executive Introduction summary grat
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Methodology Executive Introduction
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Chapter I The lack of care and affe
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The perception of labour migration
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Psychological and social effects of
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The health of family members The in
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The integrity of migrant families t
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The integrity of migrant families B
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The integrity of migrant families T
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The integrity of migrant families b
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The well-being of migrants’ house
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Values and life plans 1.7. Values a
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Values and life plans arrest shopli
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Values and life plans abroad as I d
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Values and life plans Extremely mar
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Chapter II Some children whose pare
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Normative aspects tection the child
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Normative aspects The legislation o
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Normative aspects Amongst the other
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Normative aspects Still providing p
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Policies and mechanisms existing on
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Mechanisms for coping with difficul
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Some children protest against the a
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Conclusions and recommendations (in
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Conclusions and recommendations sum
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Conclusions and recommendations inf
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Conclusions and recommendations - T
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Conclusions and recommendations - T
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Annexes Code Age Sex Residence envi
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Annexes Annex 4. Data on focus grou
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Annexes Annex 8. Certificate for th
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