specific needs of children and elderly left behind as a ... - IOM Moldova

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CHAPTER I 1.5. The integrity of migrant families Children • Families and generation changes The results of the study denote changes in the relationship between children and parents living abroad, referring especially to the quantity and quality of communication, which deters family cohesion and integrity. Some children (especially those who have both parents working abroad) mentioned that they feel deprived from the family support, and that their social support network has been affected. For instance, an interviewee concluded that she became “more mature, I’m doing things on my own, I have learnt to do everything by myself, to solve my problems” (III_C_1). The changes within the family are mostly highlighted by the status and role changes that children left behind are being exposed to. At such an early age they have to take over their parents responsibilities: “I kind of feel like a mother” (III_C_4). Usually, the child has to become mature at an early stage, therefore to assume serious responsibilities. Sometimes there is an improvement in the relationship between the migrant parents and the children left behind at home: “Lately I have started to get along with my mom much better, we’re always together, we laugh more” (III_C_2); “I get along very well with my father and I can talk to him whenever I need to” (III_C_28), and sometimes – these relationships worsen: “I talk to my mother (the mother is abroad) quite well, I can pour my soul out to her... my father doesn’t understand me, I even fear him... I hate him” (III_C_22). It should be mentioned that such situations do not appear over night, they follow the relationship patterns that are specific for these families during the pre-migration period, making it more severe and complicated. During the study, the situations that disturbed the family functionality were identified: when children had to learn to build relationships in totally different conditions that they got used to. The experts we interviewed brought, as an example, the case of a divorce as a result of migration, where both parents built a new family and the child replied to this situation through “not wanting to live with my mom or dad”, which can be explained by the change of the interactions with his parents – “they are very cold” (FG_C_4_rural). The changes within the family disturb the communicational area, the learning of new social roles and forced assumption of new responsibilities. All these generate subsequent changes at the generation level. Thus, the modern family within the society massively affected by migration poses a risk to the maintenance of traditional values and integrity of the family. • The lack of care The study shows that the lack of parental care, manifested by the tasks performed by children, affect their harmonious development by reducing 160
The integrity of migrant families the number of individuals that children can address; the consequences of which are seen in the training and health processes, etc. There are cases when migrating parents have the opportunity to show they care, primarily, through communicating by various means (phone, email, Skype) with their children. Although most interviewed children noted that they communicate frequently with their parents, they usually do not discuss their psycho-emotional status or any sensitive moments. As the children say, it can be concluded that they would prefer to feel the care of their parents even if it was manifested through various prohibitions or financial lacks: “Still, it is easier for a child to ask their parent’s permission if they can go somewhere” (III_C_21); “I think that money has no value. No matter how much they would work, there will always be the need to have them. Children need to be happy close to their parents. Children need their parents and parents need their children!” (FG_C_3_rural). Despite the difficulties they encounter, some children strive to meet the expectations of parents. They do their best to be responsible, have good academic results, and to succeed in performing their daily activities, trying to enunciate only their positive moments: “We tell our mother only about positive things, we don’t want to frustrate her...” (III_C_13). Through such actions children express their reciprocal care for their parents abroad. The study unveiled the following correlation: the more frequent the parentchild communication, the more obvious the reciprocal care children have for their parents: “We send our mom parcels with apples, letters...” (III_C_26). A participant of the focus group discussion even mentioned that he is worried about his parents’ health who take a considerable toll for his well-being. The collected data indicates a reversal of roles between parents and children. Thus, in their perception, the children have become “parents” for their parents who left. Even the most complicated tasks can become normal ones for children, if they perform them frequently. In this context, it should be mentioned that the risk of child labour exploitation appears, especially towards the child who manifests tolerance and compliance. Another risk that persists due to parental migration is the risk of a new generation growing up with health problems when the children are being involved in difficult activities from early childhood. For instance, the tasks that seemed impossible at the beginning and inadequate for a child’s life, have begun to be perceived as habitual during a certain period of time. An interviewed child told us that since he was 7-8 years old he had been involved in production of prunes, a process which requires time and effort, being a difficult task. The child concluded: “Now I cannot imagine living without drying prunes” (III_C_9). The interviewed experts state that the effects of the lack of the parental care will be felt after a certain period of time. Today they are not that obvious 161
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SPECIFIC NEEDS OF CHILDREN AND ELDE
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CONTENTS Foreword .................
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Foreword quence of migration and in
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List of boxes List of boxes Box 1 B
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Executive summary elderly adjust to
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Executive summary • To develop fo
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Executive summary For private servi
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Executive summary - To offer inform
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Executive Introduction summary grat
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Methodology Executive Introduction
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Chapter I The lack of care and affe
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The perception of labour migration
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Psychological and social effects of
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Page 189 and 190: Normative aspects tection the child
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Policies and mechanisms existing on
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Mechanisms for coping with difficul
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Some children protest against the a
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Conclusions and recommendations (in
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Conclusions and recommendations sum
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Conclusions and recommendations inf
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Conclusions and recommendations - T
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Conclusions and recommendations - T
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Annexes Code Age Sex Residence envi
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Annexes Annex 4. Data on focus grou
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Annexes Annex 8. Certificate for th
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