specific needs of children and elderly left behind as a ... - IOM Moldova

The integrity of migrant families
BOX 15
Case Study. Migration – the cause for divorce
(III_C_15)
Dorina is a 13 year old girl who has a 9 year old sister. At the moment they
are under the care of their neighbour. Their parents left for Italy about 6
years ago. Until then the relations they had in their family had been normal.
In time, the parents estranged, and currently they intend to divorce: “Since
they left, mom and dad are not together, they only talk… and that bothers me”.
The father (who comes home more often) blames his wife: “My father says
that since mom left for Italy they haven’t been getting along”. The biggest wish
Dorina has is for her parents to be together and not to divorce.
Some children even worry whether the relationship of their parents would
last in time: “Another thing is that when your parents live separately – one
at home and the other abroad – I fear that my father would find another
woman or will divorce” (FG_C_3_rural).
It should be mentioned that geographical distance affects the relationship
between parents and children, which tends to cool in time. Rather
than compensating their absence by the care when they return home, some
parents display unreasonable behaviour: “During those 8 days that I was in
the hospital neither mom nor dad called me, even though both of them knew
I was hospitalized…” (III_C_19).
The study showed that an improved financial situation of the family as a result
of migration does not solve the problems between spouses, so any action
can grow into a fight and conflict. The children we interviewed tried
to explain in detail the reason of the conflict situations in their families:
“They had a fight because my mom bought me a lot of toys and he said that
she should have bought some food instead of spending money on toys, but my
mom said that I’m little and I don’t eat a lot and the toys were cheap – only 1
Euro, which is 16 Moldovan lei” (III_C_3).
In some cases, divorced parents trying to rebuild their life by having
short-term relationships or marriages with other persons usually are
not accepted by their children: “She wanted to marry him… and she asked
me if I agreed, I told her “not really… no, I don’t want that”. He was a grownup
but behaved like a child…” (III_C_11).
Some interviewees unveiled shocking cases in the context of the deterioration
of relations between their parents. The case of a girl aged 11 who has
been witnessing continuous conflict situations should be mentioned here:
“I missed her a lot, I called her and she started crying… my dad says she should
have stayed at home”. The interviewed child explains that their fights started
when her mother decided to leave abroad and the father was against it. Still
he made an effort to keep the family and “wanted to let her come back home”.
The most painful moment is when a mother does not respect her promise to
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