specific needs of children and elderly left behind as a ... - IOM Moldova

CHAPTER I
she’s losing her temper, they live in a state of tension and so on” (FG_EE_
urban). Children who are under the care of their grandparents expect to
receive the same care as their mother would provide them. Grandchildren
compare actions, behaviours and attitudes of the elderly with mothers. The
elderly interviewed within this study mentioned that grandchildren strongly
feel the absence of their mother, and experience strong feelings when they
see other children with their mothers and they perceive the differences. An
old woman who takes care of her two granddaughters tells that even if she is
making a lot of effort, the results do not correspond to children’s expectancies.
The mother’s presence at the events the children participate in is important
for their personal and social affirmation. They feel the absence of their
mother, because they do not look as tidy, appreciated, valued or encouraged
as children whose mothers are at home. Grandchildren take part in activities
that are important for them without experiencing any positive emotion:
they have no one to share their happiness, they feel deprived compared to
children whose mothers are at home, and they have no one to take pictures
and no one to watch them. These situations lead to negative emotions even
during the long-desired holidays that stress their mother’s absence. “Last
year my daughter and son-in-law told me that they’ll send us some money and
they didn’t. We cannot buy even some sweets. They could not come even for
Christmas, they didn’t have enough money to buy food for themselves. All
the children were gathering near the Christmas tree with their moms, but
my granddaughters were with me. I didn’t prepare them the way their mother
does, she knows better, she’s young, and they were crying and saying that their
mother was talking pictures, and was doing this and that and I know that their
mother would do the same things, but she’s not here now” (III_E_24).
Fluctuating affective states of the elderly and their emotional liability
pointed out by experts as distinct peculiarities are reflected in stories
told by the elderly who look after their grandchildren. “I educated my
daughter because she was mine, but my grandson is even sweeter. I had
much patience in the past, but now I lose my temper quickly even if I don’t
want to… I always try to speak well to them, I don’t want them to hear
bad things” (III_E_4); “Sometimes I tell him he’s selfish and it’s not good,
and if he does something wrong I punish him by turning off his Play station
and the TV and he gets mad and cries and he’s upset that I punished him…
but I really have to do it. I have to because he has to understand. He doesn’t
like to be punished or when I shout at him or just raise my voice at him… he
likes me to speak calmly” (III_E_11).
Taking care of grandchildren requires the elderly left behind to have
linguistic and mathematical competences and speak an international
language in order to meet their grandchildren’s expectancies: “I take
her to school... then I meet her... then I go to English classes with her...
and then we do together the homework. She’s doing almost everything
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