specific needs of children and elderly left behind as a ... - IOM Moldova

CHAPTER I
of this fact. Therefore in these situations a child’s level of self-blaming increases
causing anxiety.
Tomorrow is perceived as a problem by children, explaining this situation
through the uncertainty that their parents have to face at work: “at one
point they have a job and a salary but you never know what tomorrow brings.
Tomorrow their boss can deceive them and not pay them the salary or even
worse – close the place they work in” (FG_C_3_rural).
Young children (Nine - 13 years old) as well as elder children (14 -18 years
old) mentioned they feel lonely and frustrated, differences in age do not
affect this underlying attitude, however the younger child will express their
feelings more obviously by crying, obvious sadness, attempts to hinder
their parents leaving, etc. It was concluded that children’s emotional experiences
caused by their separation with parents could change in time, so
children feel more affected immediately after their parents’ departure and
this period is considered the most difficult one.
Sometimes apparently simple problems can be very important to every
child: “I remember how great it was when she was at home, there was somebody
to plait my hair but now I’m just doing it the way I can. She was often making me
cookies but now I have to buy them at the market” (III_C_6). It sounds contradictory
but children wish their parents would stay home even if they used to
beat them: “even if he used to beat me I still want him back” (III_C_16).
Among other perceived problematic situations mentioned by children is the
need to perform many tasks, which they did not use to do when their parents
were at home. They chop wood, clean the house, bring water, look after
domestic animals and repair the house: “my sister would not obey me... Sometimes
I was coming back from school hungry and I had to cook... It was very
difficult... we didn’t even have time to talk... the cleaning, the cooking and I had
to take care of my sister and look after the animals... it’s really hard”(III_C_21).
The study revealed cases of degradation of family relationships caused by
the appearance of a deviant behaviour of the parent who remained at
home: “When my mom left, everything became so hard. I was the head of the
family... My father was coming home drunk late at night, he just was going
to bed and nothing would interest him. He was drunk every other night. My
mom was mad with me when she would call and find out that my dad was
drunk again and she started blaming me for not taking good care of him and
for letting him drink... But what should I do?” (III_C_19). Thus, besides taking
over household tasks, sometimes children, especially girls, transform
into “wives” who are responsible for the behaviour of the parent who is at
home. This affects the perception of girls about family life increasing the
risk of premature marriages as an escape from their own father.
Children also understand that they are forced to grow up prematurely, thus
they are a generation learning to play social roles that are not specific for
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