specific needs of children and elderly left behind as a ... - IOM Moldova

Psychological and social effects of migration
to other children: ,,...if their parents left them with their grandparents or
even alone at home and left abroad … they are alone and they are their own
masters, they do whatever they want to... that is why they are not so happy
when their parents are home and tell them what to do” (FG_C_3_rural).
The results of the study reveal the decrease and even the extinction of any
attachment between some children and their parents, the habit of living
in a new kind of family (a family with one or both parents abroad) and
the child’s unwillingness to take instructions and to bear responsibility.
In some cases parents are seen by their own children as a source of discomfort,
guidance and control, as a stress factor that the child is trying
to avoid. Here is an example of what a girl confessed: ,,We have to admit
that there are children who are not happy when their parents come home.
I met a girl this week who told me that her mother was coming home next
week and she would make her do her chores and would keep bothering
her. They are happy. It is obvious that you want your mother to hold you,
to feel her warmth, to feel parental love, to hear her saying “ I love you so
much, my dear”, but sometimes there are cases when they say ,,I want her
to leave because I am so tired of her” (FG_C_3_rural). Keeping adequate
relations between parents and children who have already experienced
the separation phenomenon is a difficult process. In this context, the efforts
that adults are taking are of extreme importance. Children feel the
need to be understood, they are expecting their mother to show empathy.:
,,When she returned home the previous time I was getting tired of her,
she was always telling me what to do, this and that, but when she returned
this time I just couldn’t get enough of her. I just did not want her to leave.
I think that she just started to understand me, she did not forbid me to do
things that she was forbidding me to do when she returned the previous
time and I liked that. She did not stay long, only for 4 days. Can it be the
reason why you did not get tired of her this time? No, it’s not about that,
she used to stay for 2 or 3 days before, but she was asking me to do things
that I didn’t want to, but this time she just understood me, I like the way we
just sat and talked” (III_C_4). The consequences of the voluntary “rupture”
of parents from their children can be disastrous and can lead to the
breakdown of mutual emotional link, which can affect the child and his/
her parents. Sometimes the adult migrant adjusts to a different lifestyle
and distances him/herself from his/her own family.
The results of the study emphasize the fact that children do not like unexpected
changes as these can lead to the failure of their balance, while slow
changes are not possible because of the repeated departure of their parents.
This conclusion was supported by one of the experts from the rural area: ,,I
witnessed the following case. The mother is abroad for a couple of years and
when the girl was little she suffered a lot because of her mother’s absence and
when asked if she missed her mother she used to answer affirmatively... Now
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