specific needs of children and elderly left behind as a ... - IOM Moldova

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CHAPTER I On the bed near our stove, To see my father happily singing At weddings again. I want to see them smiling I want to see them happy, I want to be with them to know we are smiling I want them here, I want them near. I want them to come home To see their children who have grown, I want to tell my mother: do your best meal! I want to tell my father: Come back faster from your deal! I am waiting for the moment When they will soon be here I want them to cross the border So that we would be all near (E_13_14 years_female_family). Long-term separation constitutes a severely traumatic experience bearing immediate or late effects on the intrapsychic development of a child and on the process of his social integration. Parents represent a predominant concern for children left behind. They tend to recall their life in a “united” family, they often think about their parents, they want to see them, talk to them and they want to be together with them again. The increase and decrease of the emotional intensity is gained through the shift of affectionate feelings of parents or the person with whom the child lives. Thus, the interviewed experts mentioned that the gap between parents and their children is obvious. Emotional decrease in the relations between children home alone and their parents abroad is reflected in children’s behaviour: “children become irritable, stressed, their mother is not there to cook for them, even if they buy ready-to-serve food, they don’t feel their mother’s warmth the way they used to... Even if they talk to their mother she can tell them things but she can’t do anything from where she is, not even hold her children or tell them a good night story, they communicate by Internet but the distance is always there” (FG_EC_rural). As a result of separation, the amount and the quality of the relationship with the parents change. Psychology shows that painful experiences in the family create the basis of a special character of children, called ,,the basis of anxiety”. In this case, the child develops feelings of helplessness and abandonment, the child is prone to the fear of finding him/herself among people, is open to committing offences, deception, attacks, anger, betrayal and envy. The more the child hides his discontent towards his family the more obvious his discontent is. The child loses confidence in his own forces, becomes aggressive and is unable to defend himself. 50
Psychological and social effects of migration Another peculiarity unveiled by the research refers to the length of the emotional experiences felt by children left behind. We concluded that most of the interviewed children strongly express longing for their mother, father, parents, the happiness to meet them again and sadness when they leave again. These emotions persist in time, regardless if the people who caused them are present or not. This peculiarity is of great importance as by permanent nourishment of the emotional significance of a stimulus (a concrete person for a child), the child can maintain a healthy emotional attitude towards it. The essay My family (a distant prospect) reveals children’s long-term emotions, attitude and aspirations, fed by moment feelings. The child compensates through her reveries not only her family that she misses at the moment but also her emotional family relationship: “ I can almost see them waiting for me at the door with their eyes full of tears and reaching for us to hold us and kiss us with longing and love and I can see them being happy that they have us and I can see them praying to the icon every single night and us eating home-made bread. What a wonderful word the family is” (E_36_14 year old_female_boarding school). This feature is also true when speaking about the relationship with the caregiver not only with parents: ,,when I was 7 months old my father left me. I grew up with my grandmother and I still live with my grandparents and can give you only advice to love your grandparents as much as they love you, and never leave them no matter what happens” (E_63_16 year old_male_boarding school). The emotional maturity or immaturity is determined by the relationship children have had with their parents or caregivers. The possibility to communicate with parents, to meet the need of security through the means of favourable family relations represents a premise to the development of a morally healthy person, harmoniously, socially and mentally developed and able to keep their positive emotions towards their parents or caregivers. A person who is emotionally immature is easily susceptible, vulnerable and socially unadjusted. The results of the research denote that some children feel happy with their grandparents who take care of them; nevertheless they continue to deeply suffer from the separation from their parents. For instance a girl 13 years old confesses: “I live with my grandparents right now. My mother and father are abroad and I miss them very much. I stay with my grandparents for 12 years and I am happy with them. Still, I am waiting every day for my mom to get back. I must be very happy to have such great grandparents who take care of me since I was 1 year old”. You are far away, my mother Even if you’re gone, I love you very much, 51
Page 1 and 2: SPECIFIC NEEDS OF CHILDREN AND ELDE
Page 3 and 4: CONTENTS Foreword .................
Page 5 and 6: Foreword quence of migration and in
Page 7 and 8: List of boxes List of boxes Box 1 B
Page 9 and 10: Executive summary elderly adjust to
Page 11 and 12: Executive summary • To develop fo
Page 13 and 14: Executive summary For private servi
Page 15 and 16: Executive summary - To offer inform
Page 17 and 18: Executive Introduction summary grat
Page 19 and 20: Methodology Executive Introduction
Page 21 and 22: Chapter I The lack of care and affe
Page 23 and 24: The perception of labour migration
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Psychological and social effects of
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The perception Children’s of labo
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The health of family members The in
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The integrity of migrant families t
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The integrity of migrant families B
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The integrity of migrant families T
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The integrity of migrant families b
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The well-being of migrants’ house
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Values and life plans 1.7. Values a
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Values and life plans arrest shopli
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Values and life plans abroad as I d
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Values and life plans Extremely mar
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Chapter II Some children whose pare
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Normative aspects tection the child
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Normative aspects The legislation o
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Normative aspects Amongst the other
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Normative aspects Still providing p
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Policies and mechanisms existing on
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Mechanisms for coping with difficul
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Some children protest against the a
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Conclusions and recommendations (in
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Conclusions and recommendations sum
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Conclusions and recommendations inf
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Conclusions and recommendations - T
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Conclusions and recommendations - T
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Annexes Code Age Sex Residence envi
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Annexes Annex 4. Data on focus grou
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Annexes Annex 8. Certificate for th
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