specific needs of children and elderly left behind as a ... - IOM Moldova

CHAPTER I
Skype, some stated that issues they discuss are common ones and do not
have any intimate aspect thus lacking any sexual education matters: “We
generally talk about other people... No…they don’t understand me because I
don’t tell them all my problems” (III_C_17).
It is difficult to have open intimate discussions by phone: “I don’t know a lot
of things about sexual maturation. I do not talk to anybody about this, not
even my mother, I feel embarrassed” (III_C_6).
The lack of communication can be seen in another interview with an
adolescent whose mother has been abroad for 14 years: “I have learnt
a lot about the changes that take place while growing-up… I have no
questions about this so far. If I do, I think I will talk to my friends… I am
not embarrassed to talk to them about these things; I just think it’s very
personal. I cannot ask my mom because… I don’t know why” (III_C_9).
Without being able to explain the psychological barrier that was built
over the years between him and his parents, the child, at a more intuitive
level, does not feel comfortable to discuss intimate issues with
his mother.
To get effective results, communication with a child on sexual education
should be a continuous process. Adolescents may have additional questions,
which cannot be explained in a single way by default and, moreover,
without eye contact. It requires continuous interaction, adaptation,
change and availability of both parties.
Lack of the parent-child dialogue in families with parents working abroad
is observed by the majority of teachers. They indicate that it is difficult to
establish a trustful and respectful relationship at school, when such a relationship
is not cultivated in the family as it happens in most cases that were
analyzed: “Grandparents cannot control their grandchildren-adolescents. A
girl who does not obey her grandparents says: “You’re not my mother!” But
her mother does not know anything about their reality. The girl tells her
mother that she comes home at 11pm–12am, although she comes home at
4-5am in the morning from the club... Her grandparents say that the parents
call only once in a while, and there’s no way to find out what she’s doing at
night...” (FG_EC_rural).
A successful parent-child relationship requires a real partnership, effective
communication, and adequate teamwork (along with the education
system, medical assistance, cultural institutions, etc.). The effort
that parents should make in this respect is very important, perhaps
even more important than financial well-being. This fact is understood
by children themselves. A boy aged 14, whose parents have been working
abroad for many years told us: “When my father left I gained a scooter,
when my mother left I gained a cell phone... I lost their love, support,
140