specific needs of children and elderly left behind as a ... - IOM Moldova

CHAPTER I
that she is a young lady I asked her a month ago if she wants her mother to
come back and she said no, she would better stay there. She changed her
opinion because she realized that her mother could impose some limits on
her” (FG_EC_rural).
The answers of some respondents prove that frequent and long-term parents’
departure generates a decrease in emotional sensibility of the child
towards their absence. As a result children left behind by their migrated
family members had to adjust to a new situation, the one where his/her
,,parents who travel to work” and children who are not emotionally responding
to this event: “my parents always come and go and it became a
habit for me. You cope with the idea that this is the way it has to be and you
usually get used, you just don’t feel it when they come or go, it’s something
that I got used to” (III_C_10).
If the attachment is poor children make use of self-defence mechanisms
showing emotional coldness towards their mothers: ,,when she went away
for the first time... I used to say that she does not know where she is going
and I started crying, but the second time… I cried for two days and that’s
all, while now I forgot about her, and sometimes, when I remember, I look
at her pictures. My elder brothers don’t even think about her, my brother
keeps saying silly things, my sister sometimes thinks about her and anyway
she’s more attached to our father. When my mother left for the first time my
sister just started to speak...” (III_C_10).
Speaking about the development of new attachment relations with the
caregivers while their parents are abroad, we could notice that at this stage
there is a transition from their parents as being main people of attachment
to the final development of a new set of attachment relations (other
people, objects, places, etc.). Thus, some children explain and even justify
their adjustment behaviour: ,,well, it happened with me when my mom
came back home... I was coming from school and instead of going home, I
went to our neighbour. Therefore, there is a kind of a reflex. I opened the
door, I came in, a put down my bag and I started to change my clothes and
my neighbour said: ,,Did you move with me, again? I said “I didn’t realize”.
I got used with her. I went home and I told my mother what have happened
and she started laughing” (III_C_13).
Interviewed experts noticed a correlation between the length of a mother’s
absence and the degree of estrangement of her child from her: ,,a teacher
who is working as a Court inspector in Nisporeni... she told me that his mother
gave him everything he needed but was absent for many years. When she
came back he was not accepting her as a mother anymore because he got
used to live alone” (FG_EC_rural).
Another characteristic feature that was revealed during the study regard-
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