An investigation into the phenomena and practices of spiritual ...

although friends who were not studious were not in my league. I was not allowed to go outto the cinema, nightclubs or any kind of entertainment except church. I did not mind toomuch because I could go to church and put a book on top of my bible and read the bookinstead of participating in all aspects of the service. My quest for knowledge was moreintense than any wish to go out with friends. At the same time church life was ingrained inme. It became a part of me; it was a large part of my culture.My personal faith became more real during the time that I was being sexually abused in myearly teens by a male member of the church that I attended with my family. I wascontemplating telling my parents although I thought he would deny this and my fatherwould not believe me. I was convicted, converted and decided that I wanted to be baptized.It was as if God said „I will rescue you from this wretched plight‟. As soon as I announcedthat I wanted to be baptized the abuser stopped. At this point I believed that if I reportedhim my parents would believe me above him because I would not tell a lie now that I hadbecome a born-again Christian. I felt cleansed. Up to this point I felt guilty, unclean andgenerally a sinner. Although I was a victim, as is usual with victims of abuse in thesesituations, it felt that it was somehow my fault that this was happening. Following mybaptism, I really felt and believed that God „saved‟ me from the humiliation of beingabused and probably being forced into a marriage that I did not want.However, I soon realized that my own beliefs and understanding were very different fromthe majority of people in the church. One example of this is although I disagreed with therequired wearing of hats and other dress and activities rules, I complied to keep the peace. Iwas too busy being rebellious in my quest for knowledge.8