Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy
his good-lookin' wife throws her arms around me neck
an' calls me their presarver. 'Twas wan iv th'
dhreams iv me youth. I'm oldher now.
" Gin'rally whin ye see in th' pa-apers that a
man's been app'inted an ambassadure ye know it
ought to r-read that his wife has been app'inted ambassadhress.
His wife wants him to lave th' coun-
thry, an' th' counthry is resigned, an' th' place he's
goin' to don't raise no objections. Whin he reads in
th' pa-apers all th' things he's called he begins to
think th' job is almost as high as a place in th'
custom house, an' th' good woman sees hersilf an'
th' queen rompin' together, an' maybe she won't give
th' cold eye to th' wife iv th' rich undhertaker up
th' sthreet whin she comes to Boodypest an' sees her
an' th' rile fam'ly rowlin' by in th' rile coach dhrawn
be camels. Th' ambassadure lands at th' coort,
where he's goin' to avinge th' insults to his native
land f'r four years, an' the sicrety iv th' legation,
who used to be a good tennis-player befure he lost
his mind, meets him at th' deepo an' hurries him into
a closed hack.
'
What's this f'r ?' says th' ambas-
sadure, who's had th' coat iv arms iv Noo Jersey
painted on th' soles iv his boots, an' would like to
put thim out th' window.
*
Why am I threated like
a pris'ner?' he says.
'
Hush,' says Alonzo, th' first
' Ye can't be seen until ye've been gone over
sicrety.
be th' tailor,' he says.
* If anny wan got onto that
blue Prince Albert it'd be ye to th' Basteel,' he says.
'
I'll take ye home an' keep ye locked up till th' har-
*
ness-maker has got through with ye,' he says. But,'
says th' ambassadure, '
whin do I begin th' impor-
*
tant jooties iv me exalted station?' he says. Thank
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