Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

THE INTELLECTUAL LIFE
"T"T TELL, sir," said Mr. Dooley, "it must
%/\/ be a grand thing to be a colledge pro-
T T fissor."
" Not much to do," said Mr. Hennessy.
" But a gr-reat deal to say," said Mr. Dooley.
" Ivry day th' minyit I pick up me pa-aper afther
I've read th' criminal an' other pollytical news, th'
spoortin' news, th' rale-estate advertisemints, th' invytation
fr'm th' cultured foreign gent to meet an
American lady iv some means, th' spoortin' news over
again, thin th' iditoryals, I hasten to find out what
th' colledge pro-fissor had to say yisterdah. I wish
th' iditor wud put it in th' same column iv the pa-aper
ivry day. Thin he wudden't have to collect anny
other funny column.
'
Humorous : Pro-fissor Windhaul
iv Harvard makes a savidge attack on Abraham
Lincoln.' As it is, I sometimes have to hunt through
th' pa-aper fr'm th' Newport scandal on page wan to
th' relligious notes on page two hundherd an' four be-
fure I come acrost me fav'rite funny sayin's iv funny
fellows.
"
I've been collictin' these wurruds iv wisdom f'r a
long time, Hinnissy, an' I'm now prepared to deliver
ye a sample colledge lecture on all subjicks fr'm
th' creation iv th' wurruld :
'
: Young gintlemen I
will begin be sayin' that I have me doubts about th'
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