Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy
can victhry in Pinnsylvanya will not be unanimous.
An' wan candydate rayceives six million votes an' is
overwhelmingly defeated, an' th' other rayceives five
millyon nine hundherd thousan' and is triumphantly
ilicted. An' there ye ar-re.
" Why, Hinnissy, wanst whin I was in pollytics,
me an' Willum O'Brien put up a German be th' name
iv Smeerkase, or some such name, f'r alderman f'r
th' fun iv th' thing. It was a gr-reat joke, an' even
th' Dutchman knew it. But befure he'd been nom-
mynated two weeks he begun to take it seeryous.
*
They'se a good dale iv dissatisfaction in
with th' prisint aldherman,' says he,
th' ward
' an' ye know
I've lived here a long time, an' I'm popylar with th'
boys. Sthranger things have happened thin if this
joke was to turn out thrue.'
'
Well,' says I, * if ye're
ilicted I want ye to make me uncle Mike chief iv
polis. He's licked thim all, an' he raaly holds th'
job ex-propria vigore, as th' Supreme Coort wud
4 Sure I will,' says Smeerkase. Well,
say,' says I.
he come into me place ivry day to tell me how his
campaign was gettin' on. He had assurances fr'm
more people thin there were in th' ward that they'd
vote f'r him. He had his pitcher took an' hung on
th' tillygraft poles. He hired a man to write his
obichury fr'm th' time he took his first glass iv beer
as a baby to th' moment whin th' indignant citizens
iv th' sixth ward arose an' demanded that they shud
crowd their suffrage on him. That meant me an'
O'Brien, d'ye mind? He got up a mass-meeting, with
bands an' calceem-lights, an' th' hall was crowded
while he talked not on'y broken but, be Hivins, pool-
verized English on th' issues iv th' day.