Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

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Dissertations by Mr. Doolcy up befure me uncle Captain Hogan to-morrow Pr exceedin' th' sleep limit, an' I'll make a sthring iv * In the mane ye'er buttons f'r th' childher,' he says. * time,' he says, go an' ketch a thief,' he says. Thin * he got down out iv th' autymobill. Sullivan,' he says to th' shover, * take that insthrumint iv torture back to th' asylum,' he says. ' I don't want to be a millyonaire,' he says. * With ye'er permission, Mar- tin, I'll go in, warsh me face, an' raysume me station as a poor but clane citizen,' he says. " An' there ye ar-re. I don't want anny autymobill, Hinnissy. I don't want to pay tin thousan' dollars to be onpopylar. I'd rather have th' smiles iv th' poor as I walk amongst thim on me two shapely legs thin rayceive th' brickbats iv th' same in a circus-wagon attached to a cook-stove. If I want to be a blacksmith I'll jine th' union an' get me four a day. An' if I'm to be arristed at all, f'r Hivin's sake let it be f'r dhrunkenness. " Do I think th' autymobill has come to stay ? Sure, I'll niver tell ye. I've seen all th' wurruld but me on roller-skates. I've seen ivrybody ridin' a bicycle but me. Tin years ago, whin ye'er son was holdin' on to ye'er ar-rms as ye reeled up th' sthreet on a wheel, sayin' ye'er prayers wan minyit an' th' revarse another, ye to? me that th' bicycle had come to stay because it was nicissry to get around quick. To-day ye blush as I mintion it. Th' autymobill will to have stay till it gets cheap enough f'r ivrybody wan. Whin th' little, eager messenger-boys is dashin' up th' sthreet in a eighty horse-power Demon Terror th' rich will be flyin' kites or r-runnin' ba- loons, an' they'll be a parachute foorce iv polismen to [72]
The Automobile chase thim acrost th' skies. Be that time ivrybody will have lamed to dodge th' autymobill. That's a good plan f'r poor people, annyhow. Dodge th' exthravagances iv th' r-rich. They're sure to bust a tire soon or late." " I think they ought to be locked up f'r tearin' through th' sthreets," said Mr. Hennessy. "Well, maybe," said Mr. Dooley. "But don't ye think a man that owns an autymobill is punished enough ?"
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A f
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley By the
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Contents 6fOt vg PACK THE KING IN H
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THE KING IN HIS SHIRT.-SLEEVES
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley " Whin
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley that th
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley whinive
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ROYAL DOINGS throuble among th' cro
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Royal Doings dogs, an' Sophy J. Hap
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Royal Doings " Hinnissy," said Mr.
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ORATORY "T""VID ye iver make a spee
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Page 33 and 34: Oratory that starry imblim that fla
Page 35: BANTING
Page 38 and 39: Dissertations fcy Hr* Doolcy had ma
Page 40 and 41: Dissertations by Mr. Dooley stopped
Page 42 and 43: Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy doin' w
Page 45 and 46: THE PURSUIT OF RICHES " "W"^V EAR m
Page 47 and 48: The Pursuit of Riches effect. I alw
Page 49: The Pursuit of Riches that McMullin
Page 53 and 54: SHORT MARRIAGE CONTRACTS "T IT 7 HO
Page 55 and 56: Short Marriage Contracts hankerchie
Page 57 and 58: Short Marriage Contracts Billy Emer
Page 59: THE BRINGING UP OF CHILDREN
Page 62 and 63: Dissertations by Mr* Dooley * Look
Page 64 and 65: Dissertations by Mr* Dooley thurly
Page 67: THE LABOR TROUBLES
Page 70 and 71: Dissertations by Mr Dooley eight to
Page 72 and 73: Dissertations by Mr. Doolcy * I hav
Page 74 and 75: Dissertations by Mr. Dooley ant tha
Page 77 and 78: THE AUTOMOBILE " ^ "IT TELL, sir,"
Page 79 and 80: The Automobile car? Algy is pinched
Page 81: The Automobile with th' epizootic.
Page 87 and 88: THE COMFORTS OF TRAVEL "T "V'YE kno
Page 89 and 90: The Comforts of Travel meals at th'
Page 91 and 92: The Comforts of Travel th' boots ha
Page 93: The Comforts of Travel a meal over
Page 97 and 98: OUR REPRESENTATIVES ABROAD "T'D lik
Page 99 and 100: Our Representatives Abroad dure ext
Page 101 and 102: Our Representatives Abroad Hivin,'
Page 103: Our Representatives Abroad nissy. T
Page 107 and 108: DIPLOMATIC UNIFORMS ""TIT TELL, sir
Page 109 and 110: Diplomatic Uniforms Obadiah was all
Page 111 and 112: Diplomatic Uniforms States, an' the
Page 113 and 114: Diplomatic Uniforms mayne Tower, bu
Page 115: THE INTELLECTUAL LIFE
Page 118 and 119: Dissertations by Mr. Dooley varyous
Page 120 and 121: Dissertations by Mr. Dooley matther
Page 122 and 123: Dissertations by Mr, Dooley " If ye
Page 125 and 126: THE VICE-PRESIDENT "HINT'S sthrange
Page 127 and 128: The Vice-President th' place if he
Page 129 and 130: th' vice-prisidint, ' younger?' din
Page 131: A LENTEN SERMON
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley " Yes,
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley We quit
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THE IRISH QUESTION "^ "^HEY was gr-
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The Irish Question " Th' Irish wud
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The Irish Question gintlemen in lon
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THE AMERICAN FAMILY
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Dissertations by Mr. Doolcy chooly
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him or her. Dissertations by Mr* Do
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THE CARNEGIE-HOMER CONTROVERSY
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Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy about m
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley rielty
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley him. Bu
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GAMBLING "TIT THAT'S a gamblin' sys
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Gambling spint th' best years iv hi
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Gambling ness man. But what I compl
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AN INTERNATIONAL POLICE FORCE
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley Turkey,
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley but in
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Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy quiet.'
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OATS AS A FOOD "^T THAT'S a breakfa
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Oats as a Food up in blue or green
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Oats as a Food do I know that all o
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THE CARNEGIE LIBRARIES "T "W~AS And
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The Carnegie Libraries very busy li
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The Carnegie Libraries to wurruk to
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THE RACE QUESTION
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Dissertations by Mr. Doolcy thruth
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley They th
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley opinyon
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SEN AT OKI AL COURTESY " "TTT'S a q
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stay here whin ye ought Senatorial
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THE CANDIDATE " "TT SEE," said Mr.
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The Candidate to th' house, an' he
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The Candidate " Well, Hinnissy, ye
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WAR " *^T II TAR is a fine thing. O
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War th' Mikado iv Japan fell out. W
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THE "ANGLO-SAXON" TRIUMPH
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley Choate,
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley on'y th
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley " I won
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CORPORAL PUNISHMENT " T SEE," said
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Corporal Punishment has been enable
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Corporal Punishment in his shirt-sl
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THE SIMPLE LIFE ** "W "IT TELL, Cha
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The Simple Life poor man. If ye're
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The Simple Life an' make good. Show
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HOTELS AND HOTEL LIFE
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley see O'B
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Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy 'pages
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley an' I t
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THE FOOD WE EAT
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Dissertations by Mr. Doolcy to blow
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley that wh
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley den Cud
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley iv th'
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NATIONAL HOUSECLEANING "TT looks to
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National Housecleanlng our graft id
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National Housecleaning An' yet th'
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SOCIALISM
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley syrup t
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley th' way
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley ** Hoor
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley few gee
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BUSINESS AND POLITICAL HONESTY "TTT
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Business and Political Honesty " Be
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Easiness and Political Honesty can'
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Business and Political Honesty job
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SIEGES "^ ^HIM poor la-ads in Port
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Sieges but wud look like a pile iv
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Sieges hear it. John Smithinski was
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MR. CARNEGIE'S HERO FUND
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Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy tion. S
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley He'd ha
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley But an
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BANKS AND BANKING
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley to go b
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley put me
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Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy silf .
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THE BAR " "1T~T ain't ivry man that
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The Bar time on their hands. While
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Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

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