Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Dissertations by Mr. Dooley
Ye have to make new frinds, but so ye do in Chicago.
A man iv me age loses more frinds in a year, an' is
in more danger thin a definder iv Port Arthur at
twinty-wan. Bustin' shells is on'y wan iv th' chances
iv life, like pnoomony an' argyin' with a polisman.
" Besides, I bet ye no garrison iver rayfused to
surrindher whin it was starvin', onless it was afraid
th' inimy wud shoot th' man with th' white flag. A
to think iv surrindherin' whin it
garrison begins
can't get pie at ivry meal. Cut out wan iv its meals,
an' it begins to wondher what's th' use iv fightin' a
lot iv nice fellows. Rejooce it more, an' some iv th'
sojers will say to th' gin'ral: 'If ye haven't got a
sheet or a pillow-slip handy f'r a flag ye can use our
shirts.' Ye may change th' dite to horse-meat, but
horse-meat reminds a European sojer iv what his
mother used to call beef. But he's got to have enough.
A hungry man won't fight except f'r food, an' he'd
follow a beefsteak twice as far as he wud th' flag iv
anny imp'ror or czar."