Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy
if he was in th' same place, an' th' Prisidint had to
make good f'r him.
" But nowadays we don't need an ambassadure
anny more thin we need a stage-coach to go down to
Mitchigan'City. The requiremints has changed with
th' time. If me frind Prisidint Tiddy wants to know
what's goin' on annywhere, all he has to do is to sub-
scribe to th' pa-apers. If he wants to do annything
about it he can dhrop into a tillygraft office an' sind
a cable message to th' king iv Boolgahrya or whoiver
it is that's makin' th' throuble. To be an am-
bassadure all a man needs is to have his wife want to
live in Europe ; to be a first sicrety he must be a good
waltzer; to be a sicond sicrety he must know how to
press clothes an' take care iv childher. Ye don't see
annybody nowadays that stands a chanct to be ilicted
sheriff thryin' to be ambassadure annywhere. An
ambassadure is a man that is no more use abroad thin
he wud be at home. A vice-prisidint iv a company
that's bein' took in be a thrust, a lawyer that th'
juries is onto, a Congressman that can't be reilicted,
a milishy gin'ral whose f am'ly wants to larn Fr-rinch
without th' aid iv a teacher, thim's th' kind that lands.
Ye cudden't blindfold me an' back me into th' job.
No,
sir. If me frind in Wash'nton iver offered to
sind me to reside at or near th' Coort iv Saint James
I'd ask him: * Ar-re all th' gaugers' jobs took?' No
wan that loves his fellow-counthrymen as I do, an'
knows thim, wud accipt th' honor an' lave his prop-
erty an' good name in their care f'r four years.
While. I have me vigor I'll remain here with me hand
on th' gun. I bet ye I cud put an adver-tisement
in th' pa-apers to-morroh :
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* Wanted An ambassa-