Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Diplomatic Uniforms
States, an' they was just about to take his photoy-
graft an' sind him off in th' Black Maria to Sibeerya
whin a gran'-jook come along an' identified him,
an' they let him go. He hurried to th' throne-room,
where Nicholas, Czar iv Rooshya, was settin' on his
rile throne, an' took his place in line. Th' ambassa-
dure iv England wore th' gorjous unyform iv his sta-
tion; th' ambassadure iv France jingled with medals;
th' ambassadure iv Chiny wore a pink-an'-green tea-
gown. Wan be wan they were prisinted, an' th' Czar
complimented thim on their clothes.
'
Very tasty,
Lord Ronald.'
*
Handsome pants ye're wearin' this
day, Veecont.'
*
Ling Ching, me wife, th' Czaretta,
wants me to ask ye th' name iv ye'er dhressmaker.'
But whin th' ambassadure iv th' United States bent
his proud knee befure th' Czar th' haughty monarch
said, with an evil smile :
*
Garson, bring
th' check.
Oh,' he wint on, pretindin' to jus' recognize Charleymayne
Tower, * I didn't know ye at first. I thought
ye was th' waiter,' he says. Loud an' long was th'
laughter provoked be this kingly sally. Th' jest
flew like wildfire through th' crowd. Fair ladies
smiled behind their fans.
'
Bring me a cup iv tay
an' some spare-ribs,' says th' Princess Olgoinskia,
with a maddenin' smile.
' What is th' title iv th'
king iv ye'er counthry, Misther Tower,' drawled Lord
Ronald, in his most supercilyous tones.
*
Is it head
waiter?' he says.
'
Mong doo,' said th' Veecont;
*
America, it is a lar-rge resthrant, ain't it?' he says.
Th' air was filled with cries iv 'Waiter.' 'Here
'
6 Ain't I niver goin'
you.' S-s-st.' Boy, th' bill.'
to get that pie?' An' so on.
"
Charleymayne Tower hurrid fr'm th' room.
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