Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

The Bringing up of Children
mesilf as an antiseptic American,' I says, ' but in an
encounther between me an' that there young canni-
'
bal,' I says, I'll lave it to th' board iv health who
takes th' biggest chance,' I says, an' we wint out, fol-
lowed be a howl fr'm th' projidy.
* He's singin','
says Hogan. * He has lost his notes,' says I.
" Whin we got down-stairs Hogan give me a lect-
ure on th' bringin' up iv childher. As though I
needed it, me that's been consulted on bringin' up
half th' childher in Archey Road. * In th' old days,'
says he, *
childher was brought up catch-as-catchcan,'
he says.
'
But it's diff'rent now. They're as
carefully watched as a geeranyum in a consarvatory,'
he says.
'
I have a book here on th' subjick,' he says.
*
Here it is. Th' first thing that shud be done f'r a
child is to deprive it iv its parents. Th' less th' in-
fant sees iv poppa an momma th' betther f'r him.
If they ar-re so base as to want to look at th' little
darlin' they shud first be examined be a competent
physician to see that there is nawthin' wrong with
thim that they cud give th' baby. They will thin
take a bath iv sulphuric acid, an' havin' carefully
attired thimsilves in a sturlized rubber suit, they will
approach within eight feet iv th' objeck iv their
ignoble affection an' lave at wanst. In no case must
they kiss, hug, or fondle their projiny. Manny dis-
eases, such as lumbago, pain in th' chest, premachoor
baldness, senile decrepitude, which are privalent
among adults, can be communicated to a child fr'm
th' parent. Besides, it is bad f'r th' moral nature
iv th' infant. Affection f'r its parents is wan iv
th' mos' dangerous symptoms iv rickets. Th'
parents may not be worthy iv th' love iv a
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