Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Diplomatic Uniforms
Obadiah was all right. He had his feet undher th'
king's mahogany ivry day at dinner, an' on th'
most iv th' rest iv th' time. He inthra-
mahogany
jooced rockin'-chairs in th' rile palace, an' taught
th' Fr-rinch nobility how to rock without fallin' out.
No wan cared how he dhressed. He attinded th'
coort rayciptions in a jumper an' leather breeches
wan day, an' th' nex' day all th' nobility, includin'
th' king, come in jumpers an' leather breeches. He
blowed in his tay to make it cool, an' afther that all
th' Fr-rinch arrystocracy cud be seen blowin' into
their tay. He wore a hat that had shtud him in good
stead through tin hard winters on th' road, an' th'
gr-reatest nobles in France took to sittin' on their
hats befure goin' out to make thim look like th'
*
Chapeau Obadiah,' which had become th' style. An'
whin he wint away, which he did not because he was
not succissful, but because he didn't like th' cookin',
he was followed to th' boat be th' king an' all th' rile
fam'ly.
" Thim was th' modest days iv th' raypublic, Hinnissy.
It's diff-rent now that we've become a wurruld
power. Th' sufferin's iv some iv our ambassadures
on account iv their clothes has been turr'ble. I was
r-readin' th' sad case iv th' ambassadure to Rooshya,
th' Hon'rable Charleymayne Tower, iv Phillydelphy,
Pa. If I had that name, divvle a czar wud scare me.
I'd ask f'r no unyform. Th' name itsilf is unyform
enough. Some names sounds like overalls; some
sounds like a long coat an' a high hat, but Charley-
mayne Tower sounds Jike th' clothes a boss knights
timplar wears ivry three years. It has forty pounds
iv epaulets on its shoulders. It's th' kind iv a name
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