Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy
about mannyfacthrin' pig-ir'n, an' bein' blind he
couldn't tell good money fr'm bad. He niver sold
canned air to th' govermint f'r armor-plate, an' he
didn't know th' Prince iv Wales at all. If ye wint to
ol' Homer an' thried to tell him that be handin' a
little coin to th' freight agent iv th' Pinnsylvania
he cud ship his pothry fr'm Pittsburg to Phillydelphy
cheaper thin Roodyard Kiplin', th' chances ar-re
he'd tell ye to go to th' divvle, an' raysume his pome.
He had no business head, an' he niver founded a libry
buildin', though I've heerd tell he founded a few
libries.
" Poor, ol' la-ad! I feel bad about him. An' it's
hard on Hogan. He's always blowin' about Homer.
Ye'd think this ol' fellow was all th' potes there iver
was. It was Homer this an' Homer that. Homer
says so-an'-so. D'ye raymimber
what Homer said
about that? He's as blind as a bat, but he can see
more thin mortial man. He is poor, but his head is
full iv kings an' princes, an' not fat little kings that
are th' same height annyway ye take thim, but long,
lean kings that ar-re always chargin' round, soord
in hand, an' slayin' each other. Sivin cities claim
Homer's birthplace, which is eight more thin claim
Andhrew Camaygie's Ithaca, Utica, an' five other
places in cinthral New York that I don't raymimber.
' I felt,' says Hogan, '
whin I first met Homer, like
th' pote that said he felt like somebody or other whin
first he looked out upon th' Passyfic fr'm th' City
iv Mexico,' he says. Why, th' man's been crazy about
that ol' blind fellow. Now it's my turn. Whin he
'
comes round ye'll hear me : say How's ye'er frind
Homer now?' or ' Have ye heerd fr'm Homer lately?'
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