Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

The Candidate
" Well, Hinnissy, ye know 'tis not on'y th' candydate
himsilf that's confident, it's ivrybody around
him. An' befure th' iliction come I begun to think
that maybe me frind did have a chance, so I wint
around to see him. He was disthributin' th' spendin'
money f'r th' polls, an' I had to fight me way in.
'
Glad to see ye, Misther Dooley,' says he.
*
I wanted
to tell ye that I'm sorry I can't appint ye'er uncle
chief iv polis.
I've inquired into his charackter,' says
he, * an' 'tis not up to th' standard. Besides,' he says,
'
I've promised th' job to th' Amalgamated Union iv
Can Openers, who ar-re with me to a man.' c Ar-re ye
that sure ye're goin' to be ilicted that ye've already
broken ye'er ante-iliction promises?' says I.
*
My,
*
but it's you that ar-re th' hurried statesman.' It's
over,* says he.
*
I've ordhered th' flowers f'r me
desk in th' council.'
* Make mine a gates-ajar,' says
I, an' wint my way.
" How manny votes did he get? Eight.
th' amount.
That was
* Where did he get thim ?' says I to
O'Brien.
*
They were some we cudden't use,' says
he.
*
They belonged to a Bohaymian in th' fourth
precint, but I give thim to Smeerkase. He's a good
fellow,' says he.
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