Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Gambling
ness man. But what I complain iv is th' occupation
is so teejous. It's th' same thing night afther night.
They'se no excitemint. Th' same dull routine in th'
same overheated air, th' same chin-to-chin chat with
th' young, dhrunk, an' affictionate, childher iv th'
rich.
I don't gamble. Does J. Pierpont Morgan buy
his own bonds? It's th' same thing. I wisht I
did. In ivry other business in life th' ilimint iv
chance enthers in. But not in mine. Th' banker,
th' dhry-goods merchant, th' lawyer, th' money-lender
takes risks. His days are enlivened be excitemint.
But there ar-re no risks in this business. It's wan
dull, monotonous grind, th' same ol' percintage, th'
till me
same dhreary gatherin' in iv th' mazuma,
heart sickens within me, an' I'm almost timpted to
thry some risky pursoot like pawnbrokin'. Wanst
in a while th' dead waste iv monotony is enlivened be
an incident. Wan iv me op'ratives sprained his wrist
las' week takin' th' money fr'm an expert accountant,
who had a system that no wan cud bate. Sometimes
a man comes in here without a system at all. They
was wan such las' week. We cud on'y take half what
he got, an' I had to go out an' wait f'r him in a
muddy alley to get th' r-rest. But these cases ar-re
rare. I on'y mintion thim to show ye how excited we
become with th' smallest pleasures. It's a dhreary,
dhreary life. Jawn, go over to th' hotel an' see what
ails th' jook iv Roslyn. He's late.'
" I took th' poor man be th' hand, Hinnissy, an'
I :
says
'
But, me poor frind, is there no way to enliven
ye'er pursoot ?' I says.
*
Is there no way iv
increasin' th' chances again' ye ?' I says.
*
[157]
None,' says