Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Dissertations by Mr* Dooley
While he was standin' at th' dure iv th' palace an'
lookin' down with horror on his broadcloth pantaloons,
a gran'-jook came behind him, tapped him on
th' shoulder, an' said :
'
Call Gran'-Jook Oscaroff-
ski's hack, an' be quick about it.' Charleymayne
Tower cud hear no more. He leaped fr'm th' scene
iv his disaster, an' callin' a drofsky, bade th' dhriver
haste at wanst to a tailor-man's. There he ordhered
th' suit I tell ye about.
" Wan week later a tall, magnificently attired man
sthrode into th' rile chamber. It was th' American
ambassadure. As he marched along a buzz iv ex-
citemint ran acrost that splindid room. Th' English
ambassadure turned with an oath an' left th' rile
*
prisince. Malydiction,' says th' Veecont Boulbaze.
' 9
Le stuff is off. Th' Gran'-Duchess Olgarina give
a passionate cry an' fainted. Th' American ambassadure
sthrode on, unmindful iv th' excitemint. Th'
Czar, who is a prudent husband, sint his wife fr'm
th' room. Thin steppin' fr'm th' throne, he advanced
to meet th' riprisintative iv a gr-reat people. Th'
ambassadure was preparin' to kneel whin th' monarch
said :
*
kneel not to me in thim
Nay, Charleymayne,
pants on this flure. Rather shud I kneel to thee, f'r
niver since king an' tailor jined together to rule th'
wurruld, has human legs been encased in so happy a
pair iv bloomers. At last America takes its thrue station
among th' nations iv th' earth.' That night th'
threaty was signed be which th' Czar agreed to sind
three millyon Rooshyan Jews to this counthry befure
th' first iv May, an' Lord Ronald hurled himsilf fr'm
th' great Popolapotcheff bridge into th' Neva afther
shootin' his tailor. Now they have promoted Charley-
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