Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Socialism
ward to a chance to get even with his boss. That's
his idee iv an industhreel Hiven. Th' Lord knows
I'd rejoice to see th' day whin Hinnissy wud be
shakin' a throwel fr'm th' top iv a wall an' yellin'
* '
Mort at Andhrew Camaygie scramblin' bare-
legged up a ladder, or mesilf lyin' back on a lounge
afther a hard day's wurruk writin' pothry f'r th'
govermint, ordherin' th' King iv England to bring
me a poached egg an' a cup iv tay, an' be quick about
it, darn ye.
" But I'm afraid it won't happen in our day.
That alone wud make me a Socialist. I'm sthrong
f'r anny rivolution that ain't goin' to happen
in me day. But th' thruth is, me boy, that naw-
thin' happens, annyhow. I see gr-reat changes
takin' place ivry day, but no change at all ivry fifty
years. What we call this here counthry iv ours pretinds
to want to thry new experiments, but a sudden
change gives it a chill. It's been to th' circus an'
bought railroad tickets in a hurry so often that it
thinks quick change is short change. Whin I take
me mornin' walk an' see little boys an' girls with
their dinner-pails on their arms goin' down to th'
yards I'm th' hottest Socialist ye iver see. I'd be
annything to stop it. I'd be a Raypublican, even.
But whin I think how long this foolish old buildin'
has stood, an' how manny a good head has busted
again' it, I begin to wondher whether 'tis anny use
f'r ye or me to thry to bump it off th' map. Larkin
here says th' capitalist system is made up iv th' bones
iv billions iv people, like wan iv thim coral reefs that
I used to think was pethrified sponge. If that is so,
maybe th' on'y thing I can do about it is to plant a
[271]