Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

OUR REPRESENTATIVES
ABROAD
"T'D like to be an ambassadure," said Mr.
Hennessy.
JL " An' why?" said Mr. Dooley.
" It mus' be a gran' job," said Mr. Hennessy.
" 'Tis an aisy job," said Mr. Dooley, " an' 'tis a
gran' job if ye care f'r it. But it ain't th' job it
used to be. Th' time was, Hinnissy, whin a man that
was an ambassadure was th' whole thing, d'ye mind.
He wint off to a foreign counthry, an' they was no
cables an' no fast ships, an' he done as he pleased,
an' th' first thing anny iv us heerd iv him he'd hit
th' king in th' eye, an' we had a war on our hands.
Thim was th' days whin ye'd have a good time as an
ambassadure. I can see ye now mixin' in a little
proosic acid with th' soup iv ye'er frind th' Eyetalian
ambassadure, rayceivin' spies on th' doings
iv th' prime ministher's wife, an' sindin' a letter to
th' king: ' I have th' honor to inform ye'er majesty
that if ye don't do so-an'-so befure six o'clock this
av'nin' I will be obliged to bump ye. Accept th'
assurances iv me mos' distinguished considheration,
an' hurry up.' An ambassadure, d'ye mind, was a
kind iv a Prisidint iv th' United States, livin' abroad,
an' he done what he thought th' Prisidint would do
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