Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

The Irish Question
gintlemen in long coats, as between fellow-sub jicks
iv th' king, that dear, good man whom all revere, I
plead with ye to do justice to th' fair land iv mine,
which I often see on th' maps as I come down to th'
' Go to th' divvle,' says th' Right
House,' he says.
*
Hon'rable Arthur James Balfour. They ain't
enough justice to go around amongst us now, an'
why wud we be throwin' it away on a nice, polite
people like ye,' he says.
* I f'rgot to add,' says Tay
Pay, * that a frind iv mine is settin' in th' gall'ry
with a bag containin' about thirty pounds iv up-withye,'
he says. ' He has just wrote me a note sayin' that
his arm is tired, an' wud I mind if he tossed th' bag
*
down to ye,' he says. I'm greatly grieved with th'
action iv me fellow-counthryman, but his name is
O'Brien, an' I can't conthrol him,' he says.
I go Pr th' fire-escape,' he says ;
ye'll bring th' pa-apers with ye,' he says, '
* So here
*
*
an',' he says, if
we might
discuss th' terms iv th' settlemint as we climb down,'
he says.
"
That's my policy, Hinnissy, an' it's been th'
policy iv all other gr-reat statesmen. Niver start a
riv'lution without a gun. Niver ask a man Pr annything
unless ye can make him think ye're li'ble to
take it, annyhow. My wrongs ar-re my wrongs, an'
it's little ye mind thim until they begin to hurt ye.
If I'm sick in me room up-stairs ye don't care, but
whin I begin hollerin' an' jumpin' on th' flure an*
knockin' th' plastherin' down on ye'er head ye'll sind
f'r th' doctor. I'd have all th' mimbers iv parlymint
wear black coats, but they ought to be ready to peel
thim off at a minyit's notice an' show up ready Pr
business in red shirts.
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