Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Dissertations by Mr* Dooley
Gin'ral Miles wud like to wear f'r a unyform. If
I had that name I'd go to th' palace in a sheet an'
ixpict th' guards to fall down on their faces. But
all th' time he was in Saint Petersburg, Charleymayne
Tower suffered th' gr-reatest torture on account iv
th' clothes he had on an' th' clothes he didn't have on.
He had no unyform. At coort rayciptions he looked
like a detictive at a fancy ball. He was enable
to perform anny iv th' gr-reat jooties iv an
ambassadure. Ivry step was blocked be his mis'rable
attire. He was double-crossed be th' lowliest iv
diplomats who were entitled to put on glad, bright
things whin they wint to see th' Czar. Wan day he
come rollin' up to th' palace carryin' in th' tail
iv his simple black coat a most important threaty.
He had made many attimpts to have this threaty
signed be the Czar, but th' Czar had always spurned
him, owin' to th' machinations iv Lord Ronald, th'
English ambassadure, an' Veecont Boulbaze, th'
Fr-rinch ambassadure. Both these haughty am-
bassadures had a window-dhresser fr'm a gints' furnishin'
store f'r a valley, an' whin th' American am-
bassadure stood alongside iv thim I tell ye he looked
cheap.
" But this day Charleymayne Tower was prepared
to brave th' Czar in his very throne. He rolled up in
'
his carredge, and' th' sintry cried : Who goes there ?'
* Th' ambassadure iv th' United States iv America,
huroo !' says th' coachman.
' That man ?' says th'
' To th' kitchen dure with ye, waiter,' he says.
sintry.
Well, th' ambassadure stifled his rage, an' attimpted
to explain about himsilf, an' th' sintry run him in.
Yes, sir, he run in th' ambassadure iv these United
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