Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

The Food We Eat
iv th' May mornin' th' stately expanse iv Packin'town
appeared more lovely than iver befure. On th' lawn
a fountain played brine
on th' pickled pigs'-feet.
incessantly an' melojously
A faint odor as iv peach
blossoms come fr'm th' embalmin' plant where kine
that have perished fr'm joy in th' long journey fr'm
th' plains are thransformed into th' delicacies that
show how an American sojer can die. Thousan's
iv battle-fields are sthrewn with th' labels iv this justly
pop'lar firm, an' a millyon heroes have risen fr'm
their viands an' gone composedly to their doom. But
to rayturn to our story. Th' scene, we say, was more
beautiful thin wurruds can describe. Beyond th'
hedge a physician was thryin' to make a cow show
her tongue, while his assistant wint over th' crather
with a stethoscope. Th' air was filled with th' joyous
shouts iv dhrivers iv wagons heavily laden with ol'
boots an' hats, arsenic, boric acid, bone-dust, sthrick-
nine, sawdust, an' th' other ingreejents iv th' most
nourishing food f'r a sturdy people. It was a scene
f'r th' eye to dote upon, but it brought no happiness
to Ivan Ivanovitch. Yisterdah had been pay-day at
th' yards an' little remained iv th' fourteen thousan'
dollars that had been his portion. There was a soupcan
iv anger in his voice as he laid down a copy iv th'
Ladies 9
"
Dear !" Th'
haughty beauty
Home Journal an' said :
raised her head an' laid aside th'
spoon with which she had been scrapin' th' life-givin'
proosic acid fr'm th' Deer Island "
sausage. Dear,"
said Ivanovitch, " if ye use so much iv th' comp'ny's
peroxide on ye'er hair there will be none left f'r th'
canned turkey." Befure she cud lift th' buttherine
dish a cheery voice was heerd at th' dure, an' J. Og-
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