Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

The Food We Eat
good-bye, an' th' next day Father Kelly has to patch
up a row between you an' ye'er wife. We ate no more
together, an' food bein' th' basis iv all frindship,
ceases. Christmas is marked off th' calen-
frindship
dar an' Lent lasts f'r three hundherd an' sixty-five
days a year.
" An', be Hivens, I can't stop with thinkin' iv th'
way th' food is got r-ready. Wanst I'm thurly sick
I don't care how much sicker I get, an' I go on
wondherin' what food ra-aly is. An' that way, says
Hogan, starvation lies. Th' idee that a Polish gintleman
has danced wan iv his graceful native waltzes
on me beefsteak is horrible to think, but it's on'y a
shade worse thin th' thought that this delicate morsel
that makes me th' man I am was got be th' assassynation
iv a gentle animile that niver done me no harm
but look kindly at me. See th' little lamb friskin'
in th' fields. How beautiful an' innocint it is. Whin
call him
ye'er little Packy has been a good boy ye
ye'er little lamb, an' take him to see thim skippin' in
*
th' grass. Aren't they cunnin', Packy ?' But look !
Who is this gr-reat ruffyanly man comin' acrost th'
fields? An' what is that horrid blade he holds in his
hands? Is he goin' to play with th' lamb? Oh,
dhreadful sight.
Take away th' little boy, Hinnissy.
Ye have ordhered a leg iv lamb Pr supper.
" Th' things we eat or used to eat ! I'll not min-
tion anny iv thim, but I'd like some pote to get up
a list iv eatable names that wud sound th' way they
taste. It's askin' too much f'r us to be happy whin
we're stowin' away articles iv food with th' same titles
as our own machinery.
'
But why not ate something
else?' says ye. Fish? I can't. I've hooked thim out
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