Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Socialism
be let. Whin ye'er case come up
I'd be called in as
an expert an' I'd sind th' good woman over to
th' governmint hat-store f'r th' loan iv a stove-pipe,
jump on a govermint sthreet-car r-run be me cousin,
an' go down to th' City Hall or govermint Intillijence
Office. Afther shakin' me warmly be 'th' hand an'
givin' me a govermint stogy to smoke, th' Mayor
wud say :
' Little Jawnny McKenna is a candydate
f'r feedin' th' swans in Lincoln Park. He has
O'Brien an' a sthrong dillygation behind him, but
' what I want to know is, is he fitted f'r th' job?' I'm
afraid not,' says I.
* He hasn't got th' requisite
touch. But if ye want an expert hand f'r th' wheel-
barrow at th' govermint rollin'-mills, he's jus' th'
good, sthrong, poor fellow f'r th' sinycure,' says I.
An' th' nex' day at siven o'clock they'd be a polisman
at th' dure an' ye'd be put in handcuffs an' dhragged
off to th' slag pile. An' maybe I wudden't break
ye'er back. F'r I'd be ye'er boss. I'm wan iv th'
original old-line Socialists, an' to th' victor belongs
th' spoils, be Hivens."
"
You'd not be my boss then any more than you
are now, me boy," said Mr. McKenna, warmly.
"
In
"
Cherrnany began Mr. Schwartzmeister.
"
Dhry up," said Mr. Larkin. " Ye mustn't feel
badly, Jawn. Ye wudden't have to wurruk long.
About eight o'clock Martin's shift wud come on, ye'd
make a date to meet me at th' govermint baseball
game, take off ye'er overalls, jump into ye'er autymo-
bill, an' dash over to what used to be Martin's place,
but is now a govermint dispinsary, where an uncle
iv mine wud give ye a much larger glass iv malt free,
d'ye mind."
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