Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

ROYAL DOINGS
throuble among th' crowned
heads iv Europe," said Mr. Dooley.
"
What's goin' on?" asked Mr. Hennessy.
"
Oh, ivrything that people get arrested f'r," said
Mr.
"
Dooley. Dhrunkenness an' disord'ly conduck,
assault an' batthry, riot an' elopemints. Th' King
iv Biljum has fired his daughter fr'm th' house again,
an' she's down at th' newspaper office dictatin' th'
sad story iv her life. Th' Czar iv Rooshya is unaisy
in his head, an' sets all day long while an American
hypnotist makes passes in front iv him. Th' Impror
iv Germany has been sayin' nasty, spiteful things
about th' King iv England behind his back, an' if
to th' flure. Th'
they iver meet some wan is goin'
King iv Spain is lookin' f'r his august mother to slug
her f'r wantin' to marry again. An' th' happy
Hapsburgs are batin' polismen, shootin' thimsilves,
an' runnin' off with ladies iv th' chorus.
" Ivrywhere on th' continent iv Europe 'tis th'
same thing. Ye see yon palace raisin' its lofty head
in yon garden? Think ye, Hinnissy, that all is happiness
an' contint within thim yon marble walls? It
ain't so. In that stately pile th' dishes is passin'
through
th' air th' same as in th' humble abodes iv
th' poor. His impeeryal majesty is dhraggin' her