Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy
'pages punchin' their way through th' fam'ly groups
an' callin' aloud names that ar-re a household wurrud
to all Americans. In short, Hinnissy, 'twas wan iv
thim quite hotel avenin's whin American gintlemen
an' ladies take their aise afther th' sthrenuse life iv
th' day.
" Into this restful home iv elegance th' coorse
prize-fighter foorced his way. He was given a room
between a promoter iv Hackensack Meadows an' th'
well-known ex-puddler who is goin' to marry Miss
Flossie Gumdrop iv th' Hot Stuff Exthravaganza
Comp'ny, if his wife don't kick up too much iv a fuss.
But it was not f'r long. Th' rumor soon spread that
th' hospital roof iv th' resort iv aristocratic leisure
sheltered a prize-fighter, an' there was th' divvle
to pay. Th' home-lover who was makin' th' punch
in th' resthrant indignantly demanded his bill an'
refused to pay it. Angry mathrons gathered their
little wans fr'm th' broker's offices an' th' caffy, put
on their pearl an' di'mon' dog-collars, an' prepared
to lave. Th' Standard Oil magnates up-stairs tele-
phoned down that they wud give up their rooms an'
march out if they weren't afraid of bein' arrested.
" But th' hotel officials were prompt to act. Th'
chief detictive, who had been pryin' a cabman off a
bank prisidint with deleeryum thremens, brought th'
prize-fighter
to th' desk.
' You must lave here at
wanst,' said th' chief clerk through th' megaphone,
that all employees iv th' house use f'r convarsation.
' It shall niver be said that this here fam'ly hotel, con-
sicrated to American domestic life, has been polluted,'
*
he says, be a prize-fighter,' he says.
*
Prize-fightin'
is a lawful occypation,' said the conqueror iv th'
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