Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Dissertations by Mr* Dooley
iv th' wather. Eggs? What is an egg? Don't
answer. Let us go on. Milk? Oh, goodness! Viggytables,
thin? Well, if it's bad to take th' life iv a
cow or a pig, is it anny betther to cut off a tomato in
th' flower iv its youth or murdher a fam'ly iv baby
pease in th' cradle? I ate no more iv annything but
a few snowballs in winter an' a mouthful iv fresh air
in th' summer-time.
" But let's stop thinkin' about it. It's a good
thing not to think long about annything ye'ersilf,
ye'er food, or ye'er hereafther. Th' story iv th'
nourishmint we take is on'y half written in Th 9
Jungle. If ye followed it fr'm th' cradle to th' grave,
as ye might say fr'm th' day Armour kicked it into
a wheelbarrow, through varyous encounters, th'
people it met, with their pictures while at wurruk,
until it landed in th' care iv th' sthrange lady in th'
kitchen ye'd have a romance that wud make th'
butcher haul down his sign. No, sir, I'm goin' to
thry to fight it. If th' millyonaire has a gredge again'
me he'll land me somehow. If he can't do me with
sugar iv lead, he'll run me down with a throlley-car
or smash me up in a railroad accident. I'll shut me
eyes an' take me chance. Come into th' back room,
cut me a slice iv th' ham, an' sind f'r th' priest."
" They ought to make thim ate their own meat,"
said Mr. Hennessy, warmly.
"I suggisted that," said Mr. Dooley, "but Hogan
says they'd fall back on th' Constitution. He
says th' Constitution f'rbids crool an* unusual punishmints."