Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Dissertations by Mr* Dooley
tellin' him to run right over to th' palace an' ask
th' king about th' Pannyma Canal, he gets a few
lines fr'm an American stoppin' at th' Stars an'
'
Dear Ambassadure, I have a
Sthripes Hotel, sayin' :
letther fr'm Joe Cannon tellin' ye to give me th'
best rooms in ye'er house, or lose ye'er job. I will
move in to-morroh. Manewhile plaze sind me th'
name iv a good store in this accursed hole where an
American can buy a pair iv suspinders.' If he's a
wise ambassadure he does it. A man that riprisinted
this counthry abroad soon larns how to match silks
an' where to buy rockin'-chairs. If he don't, he's no
good. An' on th' Fourth iv July he stands at home
an' grasps manny a wet an' frindly hand.
" All this I larned fr'm Dargan, who was over
there las' year. He met an ambassadure that used
to run f'r Congress ivry time he had a mind to. Dargan
got his money eight times befure th' good man
larned that Dargan didn't live in th' disthrict. He
says that th' ambassadure tol' him what I'm tellin' ye,
'
an' wept on his shouldher. How long ar-re ye in
for?' says Dargan.
ambassadure.
'
'
Three years more,' says th'
Three years more,' he says, '
an'
thin I'll give th' first sicrety a punch in th' nose an'
' Have ye
rayturn to th' land iv th' free,' he says.
anny fine-cut?' he says. At this minyit a young man
come around th' corner an' grabbed th' ambassadure
be th' collar.
* Didn't I tell ye niver to come out iv
th' park in thim pants?' he says.
Gimlets,' he says. It was th' first sicrety. An' Dar-
'
Here comes Lord
gan niver see th' ambassadure again. He thinks they
have him locked up in th' coal cellar.
"
So I don't want to be anny ambassadure, Hin-
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