Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Hotels and Hotel Life
a frozen absinthe fr'm th' head barkeeper. Their
childish prattle about th' prob'ble price iv Amalgamated
an' th' latest scandal at Newport give an air
iv artless simplicity to th' scene.
" It was th' dinner-time, an' Refined Wealth was
at it's avenin' repast, or just goin' to it. Four hun-
dherd bartinders were shootin' cocktails at a sthrugglin'
mass iv thirsty but incurable millyonaires in
front iv th' bar. A thousan' waiters were dashin'
through th' scores iv gilded dinin'-rooms, swingin'
plates iv soup wildly over their heads or pourin' thim
into th' hair iv favored guests. Th' head waiter
was talkin' society gossip with wan iv th' leaders iv
th' four hundherd. A gr-reat captain iv industhree
was makin' a punch in a coal - scuttle, composed iv
akel parts iv champagne an' tobasco sauce. Th'
man at th' cigar counter was hammerin' wan iv our
most prom'nint speculators f'r gettin' him wrong on
copper. A gintleman fr'm Pittsburg was dashin'
through th' Palm Room, pursued be th' wife iv his
bosom. Two iv what Hogan calls th' jewness dory
were mixin' it up on th' flure iv th' billyard-room.
Flocks iv process-servers hovered about, ready to deliver
summonses in divorce proceedin's. A group iv
our most consarvative financeers were locked in their
rooms up-stairs an' throwin' empty bottles at officers
iv th' law with warrants. Th' hum iv polite convarsation
an' th' light laugh was so incessant that it was
with difficulty wan cud hear th' fightin' in th' rooms,
th' colledge cries iv th' Yale futball team which was
rushin' through th' ladies resthrant, th' smashin' iv
baggage, th' ringin' iv bells, th' bets, th' music iv th'
brass-band, or th' voices iv th' tastefully dhressed
[239]