Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Dissertations by Mr* Dooley
I've hollered mesilf black in th' face f'r ol' man
Thurman an' Hendricks iv Injyanny. In th' ol'
days, whin th' boys had nommynated some unknown
man fr'm New York f'r prisidint, they turned in an'
nommynated a gr-reat an' well-known man fr'm th'
West f'r vice-prisidint. Th' candydate f'r viceprisidint
was all iv th' ticket we iver see durin' a
campaign. Th' la-ad they put up f'r prisidint stayed
down East an' was niver allowed to open Jris mouth
except in writin' befure witnesses, but th' candydate
f'r vice-prisidint wint fr'm wan end iv th' counthry to
th' other howlin' again' th' tariff an' other immortal
issues, now dead. I niver voted f'r Grover Cleveland.
I wudden't vote f'r him anny more thin he'd vote f'r
me. I voted f'r old man Thurman an' Tom Hen-
dricks an' Adly Stevenson befure he became a profissional
vice-prjsidint. They thought it was an
honor, but if ye'd read their bio-graphies to-day ye'd
find at th' end :
' Th' writer will pass over th' closin'
years iv Mr. Thurman's career hurriedly. It is
enough to say iv this painful peryod that afther a
lifetime iv devoted sarvice to his counthry th' statesman's
declinin' days was clouded be a gr-reat sorrow.
He become vice-prisidint iv th' United States. Oh,
how much betther 'twere that we shud be sawed off
arly be th' gr-reat reaper Death thin that a life iv
honor shud end in ignomy.' It's a turr'ble thing.
"
If ye say about a man that he's good prisidintial
j:imber he'll buy ye a dhrink. If ye say he's good vice-
prisidintial timber ye mane that he isn't good enough
to be cut up into shingles, an' ye'd betther be careful.
"It's sthrange, too, because it's a good job. I
think a man cud put in four years comfortably in