Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

The Intellectual Life
base, an' he had no imagination. Th' gr-reatest
potes th' wurruld has projooced are Ransom Stiggs
an' J. B. Mulcoon iv Keokuk. Th' Keokuk school iv
pothry has all others badly stung. J. B. Mulcoon
has discovered more rhymes f'r dear thin Al Tinny-
son iver heerd iv.
" ' Me opinyon iv pollyticks, if ye shud ask me f'r
it, is that we might as well give up th' experimint.
A govermint founded be an ol' farmer like George
Wash'nton an' a job-printer like Bin Franklin was
bound to go down in roon. It has abandoned all
their ideels which was a good thing an' made worse
wans. Look at Lincoln. There's a fellow ivrybody is
always crackin' up. But what did he amount to?
What did he do but carry on a war, free th' slaves,
an' run this mis'rable counthry? But who asked him
to free th' slaves? I didn't. A man utterly lackin'
in principle an' sinse iv humor, he led a mob an' was
conthrolled be it. An' who ar-re th' mob that direct
this counthry? A lot iv coarse, rough people, who
ar-re sawin' up lumber an' picklin' pork, an' who
niver had a thought iv th' Higher Life that makes
men aspire to betther things an' indijestion. They
ar-re ye'er fathers an' mine, young gintlemen. Can
I say worse thin that? An' to think iv th' likes iv
thim runnin' this ! govermint By Jove, if I had raymimbered
las' Choosdah that it was iliction day I'd
have larned fr'm me milkman how to vote an' gone
down to th'
polls an' dhriven thim fr'm power. Well,
there's wan consolation about it all: th' counthry
won't last long. I noticed th' other day it had begun
to crack. Whin it sinks ye'ers thruly will be near
th' edge, ready to jump off. Annyhow,
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it don't