Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Dissertations by Mr* Dooley
'
(the coort: Good f'r you!') he slipped an' sprained
'
his ankle. ( Cries iv Shame !'
)
"
Officer Doolittle tistyfied that he followed Algernon
f'r two miles on foot. He wud swear that he was
goin' between sixty an' wan hundherd an' two miles an
hour. ' How did ye time him ?' asked th' coort. 'Berne
stop-watch.' 'Whin did it stop?' 'Last week.'
'
That's all I want to hear,' says th' lamed coort.
'
Algernon Rox, this coort always timpers justice
with mercy, an' timpers mercy with timper. I will not
be hard on ye. It is ye'er first offinse. I will merely
sintince ye to be hanged. An' let this narrow escape
be a warnin' to ye,' he says.
" Such, Hinnissy, is th' happy life an' arly death
iv th' millyonaire with th' autymobill. Did I iver
r-ride in wan? Almost, wanst. Wan day I hear a
cry iv ' Kill him,' followed be a shower iv bricks, an'
I knew some millyonaire was out f'r a jaunt or spin
or pinch in his autymobill. Who shud th' millyonaire
be but Hogan. He has a frind who is a Fr-rinch
shover. Th' millyonaire an' his company on just got
to me dure a yard in fr-front iv th' excited popylace.
I wint out an' ca'med th' peasanthry with a few well-
chosen kicks, an' Hogan asked me to go f'r a spin
as far as Brighton Park. But just as I was about to
step into me proper place in s'ciety along with Jawn
W. Gates, th' autymobill had a convulsion. I heerd
a terrific rumblin' in its inteeryor, it groaned an'
coughed, an' thried to jump up
in th' air.
' Some-
thing is wr-rong with ye'er ir-n bourse,' says I.
' He's et something that don't agree with him. Ye
to take him to a vet.'
ought
' Come along,' says
Hogan. '
No,' says I, ' I'll not r-ride no autymobill
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