Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

Dissertations by Mr* Dooley
proved be bein' blown up. Or I'll put it this way:
I'm in favor iv dinnymite, but not in favor iv its
goin' off. They always ought to be a little iv it
undher an Englishman's chair. Thin we cud go up
*
to him an' : say Things is goin' badly in Ireland, an'
somethin' must be done. Plaze to sign this pa-aper
an' redhress our wrongs.' 'Wrongs?' says he.
6 What ar-re wrongs?' he says. 'It wud take too
long to explain,' says me.
' We will on'y say they'se
a bunch iv joynt powdher undher ye'er chair that
may go off anny minyit. Sign here.'
"
I ain't a Feenyan, d'ye mind, though I was, an' I
ain't a Clan-na-Gael, though ye can't prove it be me,
but I niver in me life see annything done without
somewhere concealed in it.
they was a gun-play
Hiven Prbid that I shud want annything to happen
to those dear cousins iv ours acrost th' sea. I wud-
den't bring a tear to th' blue eye iv Whitelaw Reid.
I don't believe in too much foorce, but ye've always
got to flavor th' porridge
with it. I'd have a little
constichoochinal agytation an' a little foorce, a
sthreak iv wan an' a sthreak iv th' other, a polite
request an' a punch in th' eye, an argymint an' a
kick, a janial la-ad in parlymint with a mellow voice
an' a good, ginteel accint, an' a boy in corduroys
behind a rock in th' County Sligo to pint th' moral.
I wud shoot off th' mouth wan day an' th' blundher-
buss th' next. I'd have me frind Tay Pay stand up
in parlymint an' : say
'
Gintlemen, ye know I'm
sthrongly again' th' use iv foorce. Th' name iv
dinnymite fills me with abhorrence, an' th' explosion
iv a fire-cracker gives me th' jumps. As a rale ol'
English gintleman in a long coat to rale ol' English
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