Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley tellin' him to run right over to th' palace an' ask th' king about th' Pannyma Canal, he gets a few lines fr'm an American stoppin' at th' Stars an' ' Dear Ambassadure, I have a Sthripes Hotel, sayin' : letther fr'm Joe Cannon tellin' ye to give me th' best rooms in ye'er house, or lose ye'er job. I will move in to-morroh. Manewhile plaze sind me th' name iv a good store in this accursed hole where an American can buy a pair iv suspinders.' If he's a wise ambassadure he does it. A man that riprisinted this counthry abroad soon larns how to match silks an' where to buy rockin'-chairs. If he don't, he's no good. An' on th' Fourth iv July he stands at home an' grasps manny a wet an' frindly hand. " All this I larned fr'm Dargan, who was over there las' year. He met an ambassadure that used to run f'r Congress ivry time he had a mind to. Dargan got his money eight times befure th' good man larned that Dargan didn't live in th' disthrict. He says that th' ambassadure tol' him what I'm tellin' ye, ' an' wept on his shouldher. How long ar-re ye in for?' says Dargan. ambassadure. ' ' Three years more,' says th' Three years more,' he says, ' an' thin I'll give th' first sicrety a punch in th' nose an' ' Have ye rayturn to th' land iv th' free,' he says. anny fine-cut?' he says. At this minyit a young man come around th' corner an' grabbed th' ambassadure be th' collar. * Didn't I tell ye niver to come out iv th' park in thim pants?' he says. Gimlets,' he says. It was th' first sicrety. An' Dar- ' Here comes Lord gan niver see th' ambassadure again. He thinks they have him locked up in th' coal cellar. " So I don't want to be anny ambassadure, Hin- [92]
Our Representatives Abroad nissy. Th' cable is quicker, th' newspaper rayporther is more important, an' theyse more diplomatic business done be Jew men fr'm Wall Sthreet thin be all th' diplomats fr'm Constantinople to Copenhagen, bedad." " But supposin' Ireland was free," said Mr. Hennessy. "Ah," said Mr. Dooley, "thin 'twud be ye I'd like to see get th' job. I cudden't have too manny iv me ol' frinds presintin' their cridintials to me."
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A f
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley By the
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Contents 6fOt vg PACK THE KING IN H
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THE KING IN HIS SHIRT.-SLEEVES
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley " Whin
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley that th
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley whinive
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ROYAL DOINGS throuble among th' cro
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Royal Doings dogs, an' Sophy J. Hap
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Royal Doings " Hinnissy," said Mr.
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ORATORY "T""VID ye iver make a spee
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Oratory gone out if I thought I cud
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Oratory that starry imblim that fla
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BANTING
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Dissertations fcy Hr* Doolcy had ma
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley stopped
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Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy doin' w
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THE PURSUIT OF RICHES " "W"^V EAR m
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The Pursuit of Riches effect. I alw
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The Pursuit of Riches that McMullin
Page 53 and 54: SHORT MARRIAGE CONTRACTS "T IT 7 HO
Page 55 and 56: Short Marriage Contracts hankerchie
Page 57 and 58: Short Marriage Contracts Billy Emer
Page 59: THE BRINGING UP OF CHILDREN
Page 62 and 63: Dissertations by Mr* Dooley * Look
Page 64 and 65: Dissertations by Mr* Dooley thurly
Page 67: THE LABOR TROUBLES
Page 70 and 71: Dissertations by Mr Dooley eight to
Page 72 and 73: Dissertations by Mr. Doolcy * I hav
Page 74 and 75: Dissertations by Mr. Dooley ant tha
Page 77 and 78: THE AUTOMOBILE " ^ "IT TELL, sir,"
Page 79 and 80: The Automobile car? Algy is pinched
Page 81 and 82: The Automobile with th' epizootic.
Page 83: The Automobile chase thim acrost th
Page 87 and 88: THE COMFORTS OF TRAVEL "T "V'YE kno
Page 89 and 90: The Comforts of Travel meals at th'
Page 91 and 92: The Comforts of Travel th' boots ha
Page 93: The Comforts of Travel a meal over
Page 97 and 98: OUR REPRESENTATIVES ABROAD "T'D lik
Page 99 and 100: Our Representatives Abroad dure ext
Page 101: Our Representatives Abroad Hivin,'
Page 107 and 108: DIPLOMATIC UNIFORMS ""TIT TELL, sir
Page 109 and 110: Diplomatic Uniforms Obadiah was all
Page 111 and 112: Diplomatic Uniforms States, an' the
Page 113 and 114: Diplomatic Uniforms mayne Tower, bu
Page 115: THE INTELLECTUAL LIFE
Page 118 and 119: Dissertations by Mr. Dooley varyous
Page 120 and 121: Dissertations by Mr. Dooley matther
Page 122 and 123: Dissertations by Mr, Dooley " If ye
Page 125 and 126: THE VICE-PRESIDENT "HINT'S sthrange
Page 127 and 128: The Vice-President th' place if he
Page 129 and 130: th' vice-prisidint, ' younger?' din
Page 131: A LENTEN SERMON
Page 134 and 135: Dissertations by Mr* Dooley " Yes,
Page 136 and 137: Dissertations by Mr* Dooley We quit
Page 139 and 140: THE IRISH QUESTION "^ "^HEY was gr-
Page 141 and 142: The Irish Question " Th' Irish wud
Page 143 and 144: The Irish Question gintlemen in lon
Page 145: THE AMERICAN FAMILY
Page 148 and 149: Dissertations by Mr. Doolcy chooly
Page 150 and 151: him or her. Dissertations by Mr* Do
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THE CARNEGIE-HOMER CONTROVERSY
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Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy about m
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley rielty
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley him. Bu
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GAMBLING "TIT THAT'S a gamblin' sys
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Gambling spint th' best years iv hi
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Gambling ness man. But what I compl
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AN INTERNATIONAL POLICE FORCE
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley Turkey,
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley but in
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Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy quiet.'
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OATS AS A FOOD "^T THAT'S a breakfa
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Oats as a Food up in blue or green
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Oats as a Food do I know that all o
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THE CARNEGIE LIBRARIES "T "W~AS And
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The Carnegie Libraries very busy li
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The Carnegie Libraries to wurruk to
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THE RACE QUESTION
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Dissertations by Mr. Doolcy thruth
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley They th
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley opinyon
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SEN AT OKI AL COURTESY " "TTT'S a q
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stay here whin ye ought Senatorial
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THE CANDIDATE " "TT SEE," said Mr.
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The Candidate to th' house, an' he
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The Candidate " Well, Hinnissy, ye
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WAR " *^T II TAR is a fine thing. O
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War th' Mikado iv Japan fell out. W
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THE "ANGLO-SAXON" TRIUMPH
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley Choate,
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley on'y th
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley " I won
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CORPORAL PUNISHMENT " T SEE," said
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Corporal Punishment has been enable
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Corporal Punishment in his shirt-sl
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THE SIMPLE LIFE ** "W "IT TELL, Cha
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The Simple Life poor man. If ye're
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The Simple Life an' make good. Show
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HOTELS AND HOTEL LIFE
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley see O'B
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Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy 'pages
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley an' I t
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THE FOOD WE EAT
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Dissertations by Mr. Doolcy to blow
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley that wh
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley den Cud
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley iv th'
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NATIONAL HOUSECLEANING "TT looks to
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National Housecleanlng our graft id
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National Housecleaning An' yet th'
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SOCIALISM
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley syrup t
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley th' way
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley ** Hoor
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley few gee
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BUSINESS AND POLITICAL HONESTY "TTT
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Business and Political Honesty " Be
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Easiness and Political Honesty can'
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Business and Political Honesty job
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SIEGES "^ ^HIM poor la-ads in Port
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Sieges but wud look like a pile iv
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Sieges hear it. John Smithinski was
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MR. CARNEGIE'S HERO FUND
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Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy tion. S
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley He'd ha
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley But an
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BANKS AND BANKING
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Dissertations by Mr* Dooley to go b
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Dissertations by Mr. Dooley put me
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Dissertations by Mr* Doolcy silf .
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THE BAR " "1T~T ain't ivry man that
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The Bar time on their hands. While
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Disserations by Mr. Dooley (1906) - Almanac of Theodore Roosevelt

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